I would consider these deals practically unworkable for myself, as the added value from having a “superior quality” mate would be more than outweighed by the lack of mutual respect, lack of self-determination, etc. Similarly for the reverse deal. However, I would have no moral objection to somebody else choosing to enter such a relationship, if that made them happy.
Suppose they were perfectly respectful to you in everyday life, but it just so happened that the baseline of your relationship is this 70⁄30 split? This is not unusual in my observation. It’s a mistake to confuse “equal status” with “respectful”: this is especially clear when you attempt to apply that heuristic beyond romantic relationships.
That would be different. I read the original comment to say that the person in question was offering me such terms with the understanding that because I’m lower status than them, I have to accept lop-sided terms. When it comes to relationships, being considered lower status by my mate is an automatic deal-breaker to me.
But it’s of course possible to settle on a 70⁄30 split while both partners consider themselves equal in status. That might very well work. (And of course, there are plenty of happy relationships where the partners do consider themselves to have an unequal status—which is great for them, but I don’t see it working for myself.)
Same here. Having a shining fashion accessory on your arm when you go out is nice, but doesn’t begin to compete with the rewards I get from an equal relationship based on plain old (stupid?) love. If being with me isn’t rewarding enough without extra enticements, I’m not going to get enough of what I want. A status increase won’t compensate.
The reverse deal proposal would make me doubt the potential mate’s grasp of my psychology, or her sense of self-worth, or both. Either of which is a big turn-off.
I would consider these deals practically unworkable for myself, as the added value from having a “superior quality” mate would be more than outweighed by the lack of mutual respect, lack of self-determination, etc. Similarly for the reverse deal. However, I would have no moral objection to somebody else choosing to enter such a relationship, if that made them happy.
Suppose they were perfectly respectful to you in everyday life, but it just so happened that the baseline of your relationship is this 70⁄30 split? This is not unusual in my observation. It’s a mistake to confuse “equal status” with “respectful”: this is especially clear when you attempt to apply that heuristic beyond romantic relationships.
That would be different. I read the original comment to say that the person in question was offering me such terms with the understanding that because I’m lower status than them, I have to accept lop-sided terms. When it comes to relationships, being considered lower status by my mate is an automatic deal-breaker to me.
But it’s of course possible to settle on a 70⁄30 split while both partners consider themselves equal in status. That might very well work. (And of course, there are plenty of happy relationships where the partners do consider themselves to have an unequal status—which is great for them, but I don’t see it working for myself.)
Same here. Having a shining fashion accessory on your arm when you go out is nice, but doesn’t begin to compete with the rewards I get from an equal relationship based on plain old (stupid?) love. If being with me isn’t rewarding enough without extra enticements, I’m not going to get enough of what I want. A status increase won’t compensate.
The reverse deal proposal would make me doubt the potential mate’s grasp of my psychology, or her sense of self-worth, or both. Either of which is a big turn-off.