Find out what is objectionable to you about being the kind of person who would enjoyably and successfully achieve the outcome you’re intending to intend to have, and stop objecting to it.
For example, if your overt intention were to make a lot of money, but you noticed that your actual actions mysteriously kept interfering with that goal, then perhaps you apply the label “greedy” to people who actually make money, and would thus object to actually succeeding at that goal, because you yourself would become “greedy” by your own rules. The solution would be to stop disapproving of “greedy” people or change your rules for what constitutes being “greedy”.
Of course, it’s rarely that simple: you might actually avoid making money because it involves being “a suit” or “a sellout” or a “drudge” or any number of a bazillion labels you could attach to people on the basis of actions like yours.
The trick is to pay attention not only to what labels you’d apply to yourself if you achieved your ultimate goal (which itself is above the level of your overt goal), but also to what labels you’d apply if you were staying on task for more than a few days every few weeks. If you persisted, for example, would that make you a nerd or a bookworm, or be perceived as such by people in your life?
On the ultimate goal level, if you actually succeeded in improving your job marketability, would that make you be seen as an overambitious wannabe or “thinks he’s better than us” by significant people in your life (e.g. family or co-workers)?
I don’t claim that finding and fixing this is easy or even a “better” strategy, since (at least from your brain’s point of view), your continual trying and failing may actually be an optimal compromise. ;-)
(Consider that, if you succeed, you very well may lose some of your existing friends and allies.)
Here’s what i think the problem is: I think people who finished school and have diploma’s are chumps who fell for paper-to-prove skills game in a system that is easily gamable and as a result doesn’t actually show anything about your skill.
I guess i’ve made it a point to prove that you don’t need school to get shit done (i have the biggest house, earn the most, best car, etc.. of all my friends and family, it seems i DO care about showing off?)
What i’ve been stumped on for years though, is how to respect being a graduate.
think people who finished school and have diploma’s are chumps who fell for paper-to-prove skills game in a system that is easily gamable and as a result doesn’t actually show anything about your skill.
Test: imagine finishing school, and see if your spontaneous reaction is thinking you’re a chump. If not, you’re just speculating rather than actually observing your beliefs.
What i’ve been stumped on for years though, is how to respect being a graduate.
Stop disapproving of graduates. I.e., refrain from withholding your approval of them. Imagine a person who’s a graduate, notice your disapproval (really, the muscle tensions that go with it), and then physically begin releasing them. You may also wish to ask yourself if there is any benefit to you from continuing to disapprove, or whether anything bad will happen if you begin approving of them.
If you have difficulty just letting go of it, I suggest this book, even though it is annoyingly repetitive and simple-minded. The repetition and simple-mindedness are actually a feature, not a bug, though it may not seem that way at first. If you aren’t willing to endure a little boring repetition and simple-mindedness, though, you probably don’t want your goal that much. ;-)
Still another method: if you can state your disapproval in the form of a “should” or “shouldn’t” statement, you can rephrase to a statement of preference instead of one of judgment. e.g., “I would prefer not having to graduate” instead of “I shouldn’t have to graduate.”
Test result: I feel really happy and relieved, i finally belong in the group and people will stop nagging me about it, i can put it all behind me. I’m not a chump at all, in fact, i’m (finally) normal.
I do feel forced to finish school, just because everyone else has done so and I have to live up to the expectations of society. (I also live in a country where without a diploma they don’t even invite you for an interview).
I have trouble letting go of stuff in general (i have OCD) so i might just read that book anyway.
I shouldn’t have to finish school because others want me to, but because i want to of my own free will.
(You know i love playing RPG’s and maxing out all the skill trees and side quest badges, these are really no different from school (in my school i’ll actually get 32 different badges in addition to the diploma)
Upvoted for apparently taking more than 5 minutes.
For this type of “thinking”, it’s not really duration that matters. 5 seconds of noticing your spontaneous emotional reaction to an imagined stimulus is much more likely to be useful than 5 minutes of “thinking” that consists of making up stories that seem to explain things.
Find out what is objectionable to you about being the kind of person who would enjoyably and successfully achieve the outcome you’re intending to intend to have, and stop objecting to it.
For example, if your overt intention were to make a lot of money, but you noticed that your actual actions mysteriously kept interfering with that goal, then perhaps you apply the label “greedy” to people who actually make money, and would thus object to actually succeeding at that goal, because you yourself would become “greedy” by your own rules. The solution would be to stop disapproving of “greedy” people or change your rules for what constitutes being “greedy”.
Of course, it’s rarely that simple: you might actually avoid making money because it involves being “a suit” or “a sellout” or a “drudge” or any number of a bazillion labels you could attach to people on the basis of actions like yours.
The trick is to pay attention not only to what labels you’d apply to yourself if you achieved your ultimate goal (which itself is above the level of your overt goal), but also to what labels you’d apply if you were staying on task for more than a few days every few weeks. If you persisted, for example, would that make you a nerd or a bookworm, or be perceived as such by people in your life?
On the ultimate goal level, if you actually succeeded in improving your job marketability, would that make you be seen as an overambitious wannabe or “thinks he’s better than us” by significant people in your life (e.g. family or co-workers)?
I don’t claim that finding and fixing this is easy or even a “better” strategy, since (at least from your brain’s point of view), your continual trying and failing may actually be an optimal compromise. ;-)
(Consider that, if you succeed, you very well may lose some of your existing friends and allies.)
Ok so i thought about it hard.
Here’s what i think the problem is: I think people who finished school and have diploma’s are chumps who fell for paper-to-prove skills game in a system that is easily gamable and as a result doesn’t actually show anything about your skill.
I guess i’ve made it a point to prove that you don’t need school to get shit done (i have the biggest house, earn the most, best car, etc.. of all my friends and family, it seems i DO care about showing off?)
What i’ve been stumped on for years though, is how to respect being a graduate.
Test: imagine finishing school, and see if your spontaneous reaction is thinking you’re a chump. If not, you’re just speculating rather than actually observing your beliefs.
Stop disapproving of graduates. I.e., refrain from withholding your approval of them. Imagine a person who’s a graduate, notice your disapproval (really, the muscle tensions that go with it), and then physically begin releasing them. You may also wish to ask yourself if there is any benefit to you from continuing to disapprove, or whether anything bad will happen if you begin approving of them.
If you have difficulty just letting go of it, I suggest this book, even though it is annoyingly repetitive and simple-minded. The repetition and simple-mindedness are actually a feature, not a bug, though it may not seem that way at first. If you aren’t willing to endure a little boring repetition and simple-mindedness, though, you probably don’t want your goal that much. ;-)
Still another method: if you can state your disapproval in the form of a “should” or “shouldn’t” statement, you can rephrase to a statement of preference instead of one of judgment. e.g., “I would prefer not having to graduate” instead of “I shouldn’t have to graduate.”
Test result: I feel really happy and relieved, i finally belong in the group and people will stop nagging me about it, i can put it all behind me. I’m not a chump at all, in fact, i’m (finally) normal.
I do feel forced to finish school, just because everyone else has done so and I have to live up to the expectations of society. (I also live in a country where without a diploma they don’t even invite you for an interview).
I have trouble letting go of stuff in general (i have OCD) so i might just read that book anyway.
I shouldn’t have to finish school because others want me to, but because i want to of my own free will.
(You know i love playing RPG’s and maxing out all the skill trees and side quest badges, these are really no different from school (in my school i’ll actually get 32 different badges in addition to the diploma)
Upvoted for apparently taking more than 5 minutes.
For this type of “thinking”, it’s not really duration that matters. 5 seconds of noticing your spontaneous emotional reaction to an imagined stimulus is much more likely to be useful than 5 minutes of “thinking” that consists of making up stories that seem to explain things.