Therefore, you have the resources to take my advice.
Silas has the resources to use your advice same as you, just like Yvain can deal with the neighbor’s noise same as Bill.
As I understand your advice, you are suggesting that the internet is a resource for Silas to either meet people to date, or meet friends who may later introduce him to people to date. There are multiple problems with this syllogism.
It assumes that it is equally easy for males and females to meet people from the internet. There is no reason to believe that this is true, since people consider men more dangerous and like women more. If the reason is for dating, then it it’s going to be even harder for men to meet women online than the reverse. As for online dating websites, they are relatively oversaturated with men and still require a baseline of style and interpersonal skills.
Furthermore, it assumes that the people who will meet men from online are the same as the types of people who will meet women from online. But what if it is difficult for Silas to find women to meet him from online even as new friends, and then only men who want to meet Silas from online have similar challenges and can’t introduce him to many people? We must consider that:
P( person will introduce Silas to potential dates | person meets Silas from online ) < P( person will know potential dates for you | person meets you from online )
Due to these assumption, your posting contains the exact problem observed in the article, where Person A doesn’t think that a certain phenomenon is a problem (whether it be neighbor noise, or meeting people from the internet), and assumes that Person B shouldn’t find it to be a problem either.
I understand why you say that the internet is a resource for expanding one’s social circle, yet I suggest that you consider that the usefulness of this resource may depend on one’s personality and gender, or on an interaction between the two. In general, I would caution people against assumptions that some challenge in dating or relationships is manageable just because it is manageable for people of their gender and personality; at least, any such claims should show knowledge of gender differences in difficulty of particular challenges and how these interact with personality, compensation for biasing factors, or require some empirical evidence that goes beyond individual experience.
Thank you for your thoroughness and clarity. It is possible I was overgeneralizing; I consider myself to be below average in overall social skills, but it is possible that the mere fact that I’m female more than compensates for that deficit. However, I will note that I and many people (including other women) I do know are quite willing to accept online social approaches from people of any gender, as long as there’s something to talk about besides inane, content-free chatroom nonsense. (Examples: fan e-mails or IMs on creative works—both to and from me—have led to extended friendships, and I have a lot of friends of both genders from message boards.)
I consider myself to be below average in overall social skills, but it is possible that the mere fact that I’m female more than compensates for that deficit.
It’s not only possible, but, from everything I understand, very likely. And probably to a far higher degree than you realize.
Silas has the resources to use your advice same as you, just like Yvain can deal with the neighbor’s noise same as Bill.
As I understand your advice, you are suggesting that the internet is a resource for Silas to either meet people to date, or meet friends who may later introduce him to people to date. There are multiple problems with this syllogism.
It assumes that it is equally easy for males and females to meet people from the internet. There is no reason to believe that this is true, since people consider men more dangerous and like women more. If the reason is for dating, then it it’s going to be even harder for men to meet women online than the reverse. As for online dating websites, they are relatively oversaturated with men and still require a baseline of style and interpersonal skills.
Furthermore, it assumes that the people who will meet men from online are the same as the types of people who will meet women from online. But what if it is difficult for Silas to find women to meet him from online even as new friends, and then only men who want to meet Silas from online have similar challenges and can’t introduce him to many people? We must consider that:
P( person will introduce Silas to potential dates | person meets Silas from online ) < P( person will know potential dates for you | person meets you from online )
Due to these assumption, your posting contains the exact problem observed in the article, where Person A doesn’t think that a certain phenomenon is a problem (whether it be neighbor noise, or meeting people from the internet), and assumes that Person B shouldn’t find it to be a problem either.
I understand why you say that the internet is a resource for expanding one’s social circle, yet I suggest that you consider that the usefulness of this resource may depend on one’s personality and gender, or on an interaction between the two. In general, I would caution people against assumptions that some challenge in dating or relationships is manageable just because it is manageable for people of their gender and personality; at least, any such claims should show knowledge of gender differences in difficulty of particular challenges and how these interact with personality, compensation for biasing factors, or require some empirical evidence that goes beyond individual experience.
Thank you for your thoroughness and clarity. It is possible I was overgeneralizing; I consider myself to be below average in overall social skills, but it is possible that the mere fact that I’m female more than compensates for that deficit. However, I will note that I and many people (including other women) I do know are quite willing to accept online social approaches from people of any gender, as long as there’s something to talk about besides inane, content-free chatroom nonsense. (Examples: fan e-mails or IMs on creative works—both to and from me—have led to extended friendships, and I have a lot of friends of both genders from message boards.)
It’s not only possible, but, from everything I understand, very likely. And probably to a far higher degree than you realize.
I agree. Having your friends introduce you to new friends is not to be taken for granted.
I can’t thank you enough for stating all of that so clearly and diplomatically, Hugh.
Great link—I hadn’t seen this essay.
Does anyone know what Baumeister means, though, when he says the following?