Responding to this on the point of feelings/bids/etc:
One problem I run into a lot is that I want to just say X, but it’s fo freakin’ difficult to do so without also accidentally saying Y. The default solution is to put a boatload of effort into crafting what I’m saying to evoke the correct response in the other person, but this is difficult and failure-prone. So if we don’t go that route, in order to communicate what I mean to communicate and not also something else, it takes some cooperation between both parties — I promise that I just mean what I’m saying, and not other possibly-inferable implications, and the other party agrees to take what I say at face value. (And if any implications come up that seem important, assume they aren’t attempts at manipulation, by default, and ask about them directly if you want to know what they think of that unsaid thing)
Actually doing that is difficult for both parties, but when both give it a good effort it enables some things that are super difficult to communicate otherwise, and I suspect doing this frequently makes it much easier with practice.
This approach seems to assume that can create the message that you want to send from a blank slate. Plenty of times you can’t communicate what you want to communicate because what you want to communicate isn’t really true and it’s easy for the other party to see that.
Responding to this on the point of feelings/bids/etc:
One problem I run into a lot is that I want to just say X, but it’s fo freakin’ difficult to do so without also accidentally saying Y. The default solution is to put a boatload of effort into crafting what I’m saying to evoke the correct response in the other person, but this is difficult and failure-prone. So if we don’t go that route, in order to communicate what I mean to communicate and not also something else, it takes some cooperation between both parties — I promise that I just mean what I’m saying, and not other possibly-inferable implications, and the other party agrees to take what I say at face value. (And if any implications come up that seem important, assume they aren’t attempts at manipulation, by default, and ask about them directly if you want to know what they think of that unsaid thing)
Actually doing that is difficult for both parties, but when both give it a good effort it enables some things that are super difficult to communicate otherwise, and I suspect doing this frequently makes it much easier with practice.
This approach seems to assume that can create the message that you want to send from a blank slate. Plenty of times you can’t communicate what you want to communicate because what you want to communicate isn’t really true and it’s easy for the other party to see that.