That is indeed one of the points on the pareto curve where I’m like “yup, that would be nice, but the expected effort to get there is not enough for the payoff, for me”. Filtering hard means one has to go through a lot of candidates, and I’d need to make large changes to my life and probably invest thousands of hours in order to do that. (Bear in mind I’m in the Bay Area and my social circle is mostly rationalists; the supermajority of my current social circle is male and the whole geographical area is disproportionately male. So I’m not just facing unusually low benefits, but also unusually high costs.) Especially since that’s not a value prop I’d be willing to go monogamous and get married over, which would likely be a deal breaker for most such women.
For now, the low effort route is at least enough to get my sexual needs met and then some, even when I’m being transparent about not wanting much more than that with the women in question. (To be clear, I’m definitely not one of those guys who will kick a girl out as soon as he’s done, but I am explicit about not having any intention of climbing the relationship ladder past the lots-of-sex-and-some-fun-outings point.) That much, at least, is clearly net positive for me.
That is indeed one of the points on the pareto curve where I’m like “yup, that would be nice, but the expected effort to get there is not enough for the payoff, for me”. Filtering hard means one has to go through a lot of candidates, and I’d need to make large changes to my life and probably invest thousands of hours in order to do that. (Bear in mind I’m in the Bay Area and my social circle is mostly rationalists; the supermajority of my current social circle is male and the whole geographical area is disproportionately male. So I’m not just facing unusually low benefits, but also unusually high costs.) Especially since that’s not a value prop I’d be willing to go monogamous and get married over, which would likely be a deal breaker for most such women.
For now, the low effort route is at least enough to get my sexual needs met and then some, even when I’m being transparent about not wanting much more than that with the women in question. (To be clear, I’m definitely not one of those guys who will kick a girl out as soon as he’s done, but I am explicit about not having any intention of climbing the relationship ladder past the lots-of-sex-and-some-fun-outings point.) That much, at least, is clearly net positive for me.