Here are the results of our New Year Write-Like-Lsusr Masquerade.

3% Meditations on Suffering

Meditations on Suffering by MeditationsOnShrimp technically satisfies all of the objective competition criteria. Congratulations on beating the ~8 billion people who did not participate in this tournament. You are in the top 0.00000002%.

MeditationsOnShrimp wins this participation trophy. 🏆

8% [Book Review] “Reality+” by David Chalmers

This post felt familiar. Something about the facing pacing felt like the kind of thing I would write in the early phase of my writing, when I had only 2-3 years of blogging experience rather than the 6 years I have now, back before I learned how to wield indirection and deliberate ambiguity.

I think this post was written by someone who has read a lot of my writings and even watched some of the videos.

8% The Benefits of Meditation Come From Telling People That You Meditate

This post is obviously not written by the real lsusr because it demonstrates a level of self-awareness and humility far beyond the real lsusr. I don’t think this was a serious competition entry. I think this was is a savage takedown that uses the competition as a pretext to make fun of me. This post missed the Moon, because it wasn’t aiming for the Moon. It flew among the stars.

This post wins the $100 bonus prize for making me laugh the hardest.

9% Rules clarification for the Write like lsusr competition

From: Person A

Date: Mon, Dec 22, 2025 at 6:05 PM

Subject: Hilarious Plots

To: Lsusr

I feel like this was meant for you. It is a rather ironic message to be received by someone who is not you. I wonder how they got my email. it would be funny for me to ghostwrite a response for you, (and of course tell this poor lost soul that I am)

---------- Forwarded message ---------

From: Person B

Date: Mon, Dec 22, 2025 at 5:54 PM

Subject: Hilarious Plots

To: Person A

Hello,

I am a long-time reader of your blog.

I notice a loophole in your rules which I suspect you left intentionally. I can submit someone else's posts and win the competition. That person can be you, as you are neither **manipulating the prediction markets** nor **using a ghostwriter**. You're merely being a ghostwriter.
You can pretend to be me pretending to be you. This is funny, which is my primary motivation. Whatever prize I win goes to PIH as you describe.

If my loophole is **not allowed** I ask that you explain it and announce it.

Thanks,
Person B

From: Lsusr

Date: Mon, Dec 22, 2025 at 7:02 PM

Subject: Re: Hilarious Plots

To: Person A

Hahaha!

Plagiarism is disallowed, as it is a violation of writing ethics and the "trivially verifiable as not lsusr" clause. Consensual ghostwriting is allowed.

It is technically allowed by the rules for me (lsusr) to ghostwrite for Emet Hirsch. If this happened, the respective prediction markets would resolve to YES and Emet would (possibly) place among the finalists.

However. Emet is incorrect that ghostwriting is an intentional loophole used for me, lsusr, to enter the tournament. It is perfectly allowed to Emet to hire whoever he wants to ghostwrite for him. That includes me. However, I am expensive, and hiring me as a ghostwriter would cost at least an order of magnitude more than $500. Not because my writing is worth that much, but because that would ruin my fun.

The ACTUAL loophole is that I, myself, am eligible for prizes. I have no need to launder posts through someone else.

What Person A and Person B choose to do with this information is up to them.

10% The Ones who Feed their Children

This story is good. I had to read it more than once.

19% How To Create A Lsusr Golem

I read this post on January 1, 2026, and therefore missed my opportunity to become a copy of Lsusr. Consequently, I cannot validate whether these instructions work(ed).

M_Chouchani wins the Secure, Contain, Protect Award.

23% Human Values

This was my entry. As the 3rd place prediction market score, this post wins $50. Instead of $50 by Venmo, I am instead choosing to receive a 120% = $60 donation to Partners in Health.