I did wind up reading a large number of anecdotal reports on Reddit, and found that in aggregate, people tend to report positive subjective effects.
Did you also look for bodybuilder’s experiences, especially since you mention trying testosterone also? Here’s one I could find again easily. It’s quite a brief one but seems mostly consistent with your reports. It (and others I remember) also answers your question if estrogen would feel good to cis men: Yes, some amount above normal does. The story of Dr Powers you link is interesting, but it seems dependent on his knowledge of what continued estrogen would do, rather than how he feels on it. Bodybuilders sometimes freak out over gyno, especially if they didn’t know, but unlike him they often have high levels even after it’s clear that surgery will/already has addressed the issue.
It’s as if I took the entire volumetric representation of the space around me and increased the degree to which every point within that could influence the location of every other point, recursively.
I have no idea what that’s supposed to mean. I feel I understand the Fourier explanation later, but I don’t see the relation to this so I’m still unsure.
Around the time I transitioned was also the period when I was exploring some quite extreme ketamine-assisted myofascial release techniques in order to shake off a lifetime’s worth of accumulated tension from things like bad ergonomics and social anxiety.
This is surprising to me. To me deliberate muscle relaxation requires a similar kind of attention as meditation, which you have far more experience with than me.
I’ve wondered before if I’m experiencing derealization, but the concrete descriptions here don’t really match. I’m not experiencing a lack of amodal volume or thinking something is a render. The only thing that really has an analogy is that I sometimes feel as if I can fly. I can generally trigger this by fasting and then going for a walk. I feel weightless, and the work my feet are doing recedes but I still notice I’m moving. It feels like I’m hovering, and could take off if I wanted, though I’m well aware that’s not true.
Any idea how trans men fit into your autism/ketamine theories?
I can’t say I looked into bodybuilder’s experiences, but I respect it. The report you linked seems highly accurate.
I didn’t think I mentioned trying testosterone in the post (insofar as I was living a “high-t lifestyle” in 2019-2020 or so it was all natty) but more recently I have actually tried deliberately spiking my testosterone levels in order to experience the phenomenology. Still experimenting with it and will refrain from immediate comment.
I don’t enjoy meditation, so I don’t do it often. I never really figured out the move to relax muscles through meditation. (By ‘relax’ I mean all the way; before I started, my calf muscles were rock solid concrete-like fascial adhesions which took repeated foam rolling and massage gunning in order to deconstruct; they’re completely loose now). Once I figured out that this was possible I didn’t waste much time procedurally applying it to my entire body.
I definitely think body maps are quite malleable, especially the size and shape of the face in relation to the body and the visual field. This is an exercise I use to demonstrate it.
>I never really figured out the move to relax muscles through meditation.
It’s not “through meditation”. It’s is own kind of mental move, but the way you have to keep returning your attention to it is similar, and that’s the main difficulty for me.
Huh. My eyelids feel very definitely behind my nose. I’m not so sure about your formulations, but if you mean you feel like you could look through in between them, I don’t have that either.
Did you also look for bodybuilder’s experiences, especially since you mention trying testosterone also? Here’s one I could find again easily. It’s quite a brief one but seems mostly consistent with your reports. It (and others I remember) also answers your question if estrogen would feel good to cis men: Yes, some amount above normal does. The story of Dr Powers you link is interesting, but it seems dependent on his knowledge of what continued estrogen would do, rather than how he feels on it. Bodybuilders sometimes freak out over gyno, especially if they didn’t know, but unlike him they often have high levels even after it’s clear that surgery will/already has addressed the issue.
I have no idea what that’s supposed to mean. I feel I understand the Fourier explanation later, but I don’t see the relation to this so I’m still unsure.
This is surprising to me. To me deliberate muscle relaxation requires a similar kind of attention as meditation, which you have far more experience with than me.
I’ve wondered before if I’m experiencing derealization, but the concrete descriptions here don’t really match. I’m not experiencing a lack of amodal volume or thinking something is a render. The only thing that really has an analogy is that I sometimes feel as if I can fly. I can generally trigger this by fasting and then going for a walk. I feel weightless, and the work my feet are doing recedes but I still notice I’m moving. It feels like I’m hovering, and could take off if I wanted, though I’m well aware that’s not true.
Any idea how trans men fit into your autism/ketamine theories?
I can’t say I looked into bodybuilder’s experiences, but I respect it. The report you linked seems highly accurate.
I didn’t think I mentioned trying testosterone in the post (insofar as I was living a “high-t lifestyle” in 2019-2020 or so it was all natty) but more recently I have actually tried deliberately spiking my testosterone levels in order to experience the phenomenology. Still experimenting with it and will refrain from immediate comment.
I don’t enjoy meditation, so I don’t do it often. I never really figured out the move to relax muscles through meditation. (By ‘relax’ I mean all the way; before I started, my calf muscles were rock solid concrete-like fascial adhesions which took repeated foam rolling and massage gunning in order to deconstruct; they’re completely loose now). Once I figured out that this was possible I didn’t waste much time procedurally applying it to my entire body.
I definitely think body maps are quite malleable, especially the size and shape of the face in relation to the body and the visual field. This is an exercise I use to demonstrate it.
>I never really figured out the move to relax muscles through meditation.
It’s not “through meditation”. It’s is own kind of mental move, but the way you have to keep returning your attention to it is similar, and that’s the main difficulty for me.
>This is an exercise I use to demonstrate it.
Huh. My eyelids feel very definitely behind my nose. I’m not so sure about your formulations, but if you mean you feel like you could look through in between them, I don’t have that either.