Does anyone feel the occasional temptation to become religious?
I do, sometimes, and push it away each time. I doubt that I could, really, fall for that temptation—even if I tried to, the illogicality of the whole thing would very likely prevent me from really believing in even a part of it very seriously. And as more and more time passes, religious structures begin to seem more and more ridiculous and contrived. Not that I’d have believed that them starting to feel more contrived would even have been possible.
And yet… occasionally I remember the time back in my teens, when I had some sort of a faith. I remember the feeling of ultimate safety it brought with it—the knowledge that no matter what happens, everything will turn out well in the end. It might be a good thing that I spend time worrying over existential risks, and spend time thinking about what I could do about them, but it sure doesn’t exactly improve my mental health. The thought of returning to the mindset of a believer appeals on an emotional level, in the same way stressed adults might longingly remember the carefree days of childhood. But while you can’t become a child again, becoming a believer is at least theoretically possible. And sometimes I do play around with the idea of what it’d be like, to adopt a belief again.
Uh, here is a confession. Twice in the last 6-7 years, at moments of extreme psychological distress, I talked to the God of my Catholic youth. Once I went to an empty church after a series of coincidences (running into two people from my Catholic grade school separately) that I thought was a sign from God. Really, embarrassing, right? It was like my mind segmented and the rationalist was put aside and the devout Catholic school boy was put in charge. The last time this happened was about four years ago.
I don’t know if this could still happen today (my atheism is probably more entrenched now). There have been plenty of periods of distress where this didn’t happen, so I don’t know what triggered it in particular. I think my brain must have really needed a God figure at that moment and didn’t know how to deal with the pain without one so it hacked itself and turned off the rationalist defenses. Or something, it seems so screwed up looking back on it.
Interestingly, I told my theistic-non religious girlfriend about this who in turn told her Christian best friend. Talking to me on the phone for the first time, the friend something along the lines of “I know you say you’re an atheist but B(my girlfriend) told me that you sometimes pray when you’re upset so I know you’re really a good person/God loves you.” In other words, I’m least wrong when I’m thinking least clearly.
Does anyone feel the occasional temptation to become religious?
I do, sometimes, and push it away each time. I doubt that I could, really, fall for that temptation—even if I tried to, the illogicality of the whole thing would very likely prevent me from really believing in even a part of it very seriously. And as more and more time passes, religious structures begin to seem more and more ridiculous and contrived. Not that I’d have believed that them starting to feel more contrived would even have been possible.
And yet… occasionally I remember the time back in my teens, when I had some sort of a faith. I remember the feeling of ultimate safety it brought with it—the knowledge that no matter what happens, everything will turn out well in the end. It might be a good thing that I spend time worrying over existential risks, and spend time thinking about what I could do about them, but it sure doesn’t exactly improve my mental health. The thought of returning to the mindset of a believer appeals on an emotional level, in the same way stressed adults might longingly remember the carefree days of childhood. But while you can’t become a child again, becoming a believer is at least theoretically possible. And sometimes I do play around with the idea of what it’d be like, to adopt a belief again.
Uh, here is a confession. Twice in the last 6-7 years, at moments of extreme psychological distress, I talked to the God of my Catholic youth. Once I went to an empty church after a series of coincidences (running into two people from my Catholic grade school separately) that I thought was a sign from God. Really, embarrassing, right? It was like my mind segmented and the rationalist was put aside and the devout Catholic school boy was put in charge. The last time this happened was about four years ago.
I don’t know if this could still happen today (my atheism is probably more entrenched now). There have been plenty of periods of distress where this didn’t happen, so I don’t know what triggered it in particular. I think my brain must have really needed a God figure at that moment and didn’t know how to deal with the pain without one so it hacked itself and turned off the rationalist defenses. Or something, it seems so screwed up looking back on it.
Interestingly, I told my theistic-non religious girlfriend about this who in turn told her Christian best friend. Talking to me on the phone for the first time, the friend something along the lines of “I know you say you’re an atheist but B(my girlfriend) told me that you sometimes pray when you’re upset so I know you’re really a good person/God loves you.” In other words, I’m least wrong when I’m thinking least clearly.