I believe that you have an unexamined assumption in your post. Namely, can you have any effect on what your child believes?
A book by Judith Rich Harris called “The Nurture Assumption” makes the case that it is not parents that shape a child’s attitudes and beliefs, but the child’s peers. Parents impact on children tends to be primarily genetic and in the basics (no abuse, well fed and clothed, and choosing the general environment where the child is raised.) For a more detailed look on Harris’s argument, see Malcolm Gladwell’s article at http://www.gladwell.com/1998/1998_08_17_a_harris.htm .
If you agree with Harris’s argument, you might rethink your attitude towards your child’s belief in God or Santa Claus. They will probably make up their own mind about it despite your best efforts.
Good point—but it depends who counts as the child’s ‘peers’. In a harmful environment like public schools, the child is artificially sequestered with same-age children for most of the day (and in most households, then exposed to ‘age-appropriate’ television for the rest of it). Of course parents wouldn’t have much impact in this environment.
My children will be unschooled—that may be relevant.
JRH is mostly talking about the long term. Parents have little effect on their children’s adult beliefs and behavior. They have an enormous impact on what they believe and how they act as children. One of JRH’s examples that she brings out several times is what language is spoken fluently as an adult. We tend to assume kids get it from their parents, but that’s a spurious correlation. Nearly all normal children are exposed to parents and peers who speak the same language, and the children end up matching both. When parents and peers speak different languages, children end up speaking the same language as their peers, once they move out of the home. While still at home, they continue speaking to their parents in their parents’ language.
Similarly, the Santa question is about what your child believes during the formative years. No one continues to believe the Santa story beyond 15, so that isn’t a question of peers vs. parents.
I believe that you have an unexamined assumption in your post. Namely, can you have any effect on what your child believes?
A book by Judith Rich Harris called “The Nurture Assumption” makes the case that it is not parents that shape a child’s attitudes and beliefs, but the child’s peers. Parents impact on children tends to be primarily genetic and in the basics (no abuse, well fed and clothed, and choosing the general environment where the child is raised.) For a more detailed look on Harris’s argument, see Malcolm Gladwell’s article at http://www.gladwell.com/1998/1998_08_17_a_harris.htm .
If you agree with Harris’s argument, you might rethink your attitude towards your child’s belief in God or Santa Claus. They will probably make up their own mind about it despite your best efforts.
Hope this contributes to the discussion.
David
Good point—but it depends who counts as the child’s ‘peers’. In a harmful environment like public schools, the child is artificially sequestered with same-age children for most of the day (and in most households, then exposed to ‘age-appropriate’ television for the rest of it). Of course parents wouldn’t have much impact in this environment.
My children will be unschooled—that may be relevant.
JRH is mostly talking about the long term. Parents have little effect on their children’s adult beliefs and behavior. They have an enormous impact on what they believe and how they act as children. One of JRH’s examples that she brings out several times is what language is spoken fluently as an adult. We tend to assume kids get it from their parents, but that’s a spurious correlation. Nearly all normal children are exposed to parents and peers who speak the same language, and the children end up matching both. When parents and peers speak different languages, children end up speaking the same language as their peers, once they move out of the home. While still at home, they continue speaking to their parents in their parents’ language.
Similarly, the Santa question is about what your child believes during the formative years. No one continues to believe the Santa story beyond 15, so that isn’t a question of peers vs. parents.