I think this post has the highest number of people who have reached out privately to me, thanking me for it. (I think 4-5 people). So seems like it’s been at least pretty useful to some people.
I previously wrote an addendum a few months after publishing, mostly saying that while I stood by the technical words of the post, I felt like the narrative vibe of the post somewhat oversold my particular approach. Major grievings still seem to take a long time.
One update is that, the following December after writing this, I did a second “Private Dark Solstice” ritual, which felt like it dislodged more stuck-feeling and got me most of the way to feeling whole. And notably, now another year later, I still feel mostly fine. This winter I didn’t feel the need to do any kind of grieving ritual. So, I think I didn’t just get addicted to emotional grieving rituals, they actually seem to help. Hurray.
Other things that have felt helpful have been talking to individual people about things-I-needed-to-grieve, who were somehow familiar with the situation. It was helpful both from a practical “help me orient” kind of way. And there was something powerful about “witnessing” it with me, which was almost like a little mini-ritual.
So I guess my own personal update from the past 2 years is “lean even harder into grieving rituals.”
...
Followup work: I still want to write a followup post on “Pre Grieving in the face of uncertainty.”
I think this post has the highest number of people who have reached out privately to me, thanking me for it. (I think 4-5 people). So seems like it’s been at least pretty useful to some people.
I previously wrote an addendum a few months after publishing, mostly saying that while I stood by the technical words of the post, I felt like the narrative vibe of the post somewhat oversold my particular approach. Major grievings still seem to take a long time.
One update is that, the following December after writing this, I did a second “Private Dark Solstice” ritual, which felt like it dislodged more stuck-feeling and got me most of the way to feeling whole. And notably, now another year later, I still feel mostly fine. This winter I didn’t feel the need to do any kind of grieving ritual. So, I think I didn’t just get addicted to emotional grieving rituals, they actually seem to help. Hurray.
Other things that have felt helpful have been talking to individual people about things-I-needed-to-grieve, who were somehow familiar with the situation. It was helpful both from a practical “help me orient” kind of way. And there was something powerful about “witnessing” it with me, which was almost like a little mini-ritual.
So I guess my own personal update from the past 2 years is “lean even harder into grieving rituals.”
...
Followup work: I still want to write a followup post on “Pre Grieving in the face of uncertainty.”