Psychologically speaking, I wouldn’t expect your loathing of trans people to stick after you properly resolved such a big mental knot. If your theories were correct, trans people would be victims of a mental health crisis scarcely more accountable than people with untreated schizophrenia or agoraphobia. Pity, grief, and horror would make more sense than cruelty.
So I don’t think you’ve gotten to the heart of your own emotional matter. There is clearly part of you that loathes your current place in life, but I don’t think you’ve identified what it is yet. My ~70% confidence guess based on this post would be that you feel like you can only be safe if you’re socially accepted by loathing/denying yourself, either directly or by letting a group identity subsume yours.
Gender dysphoria and self-loathing can easily reinforce each other, but most trans people I know who experienced self-loathing before transitioning (myself included), the transition process alleviates the dysphoria enough that the self-loathing can be resolved with little or no therapy. I too visited /r/traa and /tttt/ early in my process, but I left those spaces once I felt more comfortable with myself.
I would recommend you go to therapy rather than try to find comfort in the support of others who “understandably have some animosity towards trans people”, because if I’m right that would just continue the cycle and get you to another place where you hate yourself. Self-love won’t come from being showered with upvotes for being cruel to your past self.
Psychologically speaking, I wouldn’t expect your loathing of trans people to stick after you properly resolved such a big mental knot. If your theories were correct, trans people would be victims of a mental health crisis scarcely more accountable than people with untreated schizophrenia or agoraphobia. Pity, grief, and horror would make more sense than cruelty.
So I don’t think you’ve gotten to the heart of your own emotional matter. There is clearly part of you that loathes your current place in life, but I don’t think you’ve identified what it is yet. My ~70% confidence guess based on this post would be that you feel like you can only be safe if you’re socially accepted by loathing/denying yourself, either directly or by letting a group identity subsume yours.
Gender dysphoria and self-loathing can easily reinforce each other, but most trans people I know who experienced self-loathing before transitioning (myself included), the transition process alleviates the dysphoria enough that the self-loathing can be resolved with little or no therapy. I too visited /r/traa and /tttt/ early in my process, but I left those spaces once I felt more comfortable with myself.
I would recommend you go to therapy rather than try to find comfort in the support of others who “understandably have some animosity towards trans people”, because if I’m right that would just continue the cycle and get you to another place where you hate yourself. Self-love won’t come from being showered with upvotes for being cruel to your past self.