I really really enjoyed digital minimalism when I read it, but think it was somewhat harmful to my relationships, given how hard it says that only text-relationships are basically worthless. It took like a year but I happened to meet someone really cool who strongly didn’t like calling and since the only way I could talk to them was texting, I sucked it up and actually found out that it’s not so bad.
I think it did help me firm up the things I dislike about texting, and with some agreed about norms I think they can be mitigated. Wrote about it here: Why call? | Space L Clottey (spacelutt.com)
This post did A LOT for me in terms of my phone usage:
Actually, I want to walk back on this a bit. I was on a plane since this comment and the ten hours of no wifi was really nice and really unique and really focused, and I had absolutely no reason to check my phone because there was absolutely zero chance of their being a notification… I realised that I appreciated digital minimalism at the time because I had just come out of having no wifi forced apon me for a week and finding it really nice and really wanting to maintain it. I think I’ve just forgotten how nice it actually is
I want to second your first point. Texting frequently with significant others lets me feel be part of their life and vice versa which a weekly call does not accomplish, partly because it is weekly and partly because I am pretty averse to calls.
In one relationship I had, this led to significant misery on my part because my partner was pretty strict on their phone usage, batching messages for the mornings and evenings. For my current primary relationship, I’m convinced that the frequent texting is what kept it alive while being long-distance.
To reconcile the two viewpoints, I think it is still true that superficial relationships via social media likes or retweets are not worth that much if they are all there is to the relationship. But direct text messages are a significant improvement on that.
Re your blog post: Maybe that’s me being introverted but there are probably significant differences in whether people feel comfortable/like texting or calling. For me, the instantaneousness of calling makes it much more stressful, and I do have a problem with people generalizing either way that one way to interact over distances is superior in general. I do cede the point that calling is of course much higher bandwidth, but it also requires more time commitment and coordination.
I don’t remember at this point what digital minimalism advocates, but I advocate doing cost-benefit analyses, which are naturally sensitive to the specifics of your situation. The question may become: How can I draw most of the benefits of texting, without checking my phone 40 times a day?
And I think this question has meaningful answers, from batching responses eg thrice daily, to dedicated synchronous texting periods (like text-based phone calls!).
I really really enjoyed digital minimalism when I read it, but think it was somewhat harmful to my relationships, given how hard it says that only text-relationships are basically worthless. It took like a year but I happened to meet someone really cool who strongly didn’t like calling and since the only way I could talk to them was texting, I sucked it up and actually found out that it’s not so bad.
I think it did help me firm up the things I dislike about texting, and with some agreed about norms I think they can be mitigated. Wrote about it here: Why call? | Space L Clottey (spacelutt.com)
This post did A LOT for me in terms of my phone usage:
Distractions are a Nuisance, but Infinity Pools are the Real Problem | by John Zeratsky | Make Time | Medium
Actually, I want to walk back on this a bit. I was on a plane since this comment and the ten hours of no wifi was really nice and really unique and really focused, and I had absolutely no reason to check my phone because there was absolutely zero chance of their being a notification… I realised that I appreciated digital minimalism at the time because I had just come out of having no wifi forced apon me for a week and finding it really nice and really wanting to maintain it. I think I’ve just forgotten how nice it actually is
I want to second your first point. Texting frequently with significant others lets me feel be part of their life and vice versa which a weekly call does not accomplish, partly because it is weekly and partly because I am pretty averse to calls.
In one relationship I had, this led to significant misery on my part because my partner was pretty strict on their phone usage, batching messages for the mornings and evenings. For my current primary relationship, I’m convinced that the frequent texting is what kept it alive while being long-distance.
To reconcile the two viewpoints, I think it is still true that superficial relationships via social media likes or retweets are not worth that much if they are all there is to the relationship. But direct text messages are a significant improvement on that.
Re your blog post:
Maybe that’s me being introverted but there are probably significant differences in whether people feel comfortable/like texting or calling. For me, the instantaneousness of calling makes it much more stressful, and I do have a problem with people generalizing either way that one way to interact over distances is superior in general. I do cede the point that calling is of course much higher bandwidth, but it also requires more time commitment and coordination.
I don’t remember at this point what digital minimalism advocates, but I advocate doing cost-benefit analyses, which are naturally sensitive to the specifics of your situation. The question may become: How can I draw most of the benefits of texting, without checking my phone 40 times a day?
And I think this question has meaningful answers, from batching responses eg thrice daily, to dedicated synchronous texting periods (like text-based phone calls!).