The women I ask about this are not even remotely close to being a representative sample of all women. They’re the kind of women whom a shy and somewhat geeky guy knows and talks about psychology with.
This is why I find pickup theory so incomprehensible. It all seems to be aimed at people looking for sex in bars. I don’t know anyone who does this (at least to my knowledge), so I have no mental model for how it works. I’m pretty sure the methods advocated would not work on me or most people I know, but I trust pickup artists to be right about how it works on people who hang out in bars.
You are mistaking all pickup theory for a subset of pickup theory that happens to be very effective at picking up at bars.
Due to the nature of the beast (picking up in bars) it also tends to be the pickup theory that is the least politically correct… and therefore receives the most attention outside of the pickup community.
If you don’t go to clubs you are probably right that the routines in the Mystery Method probably wouldn’t work on you… they make sense in the club where they don’t seem out of place and are congruent with the general atmosphere. Those same methods attempted in some situations would seem incongruent… like the guy has no social awareness. A lack of social awareness being unattractive is as close to a universal rule of attraction as you can get.
Read pickup theory related to social situations that you generally find yourself in—You’ll probably find that guys that you have found yourself attracted to in the past acted at least partly in accordance with that theory.
As far as I know, there’s not pickup literature for the folk dance scene.
Yes, in a general way, I find confidence and social competence attractive in any environment. But at least consciously, my strategy was to look for nerdy boys who weren’t overconfident—because desperate boys would value me more. Devotion alone doesn’t make for a good relationship, so the trick was to find one who was both devoted and interesting. (And a folk dancer.)
I think it is fair to say looking for desperation is an unusual dating strategy for young women (though if desperation isn’t a turn-off for you, clearly a winning one).
Are you on “The Pill”—Recent scientific studies have indicated that taking birth control hormones actually affects a woman’s attraction triggers. Essentially the pill causes a woman to more highly value masculine traits that indicate stability (because it tricks the body into believing its pregnant, the body decides it wants to mate with a male who will take care of it, rather than the best possible sperm).
There is some discussion that the pill could be in part responsible for the increase in divorce rates as women come off the pill after marriage and suddenly find themselves no longer attracted to their husbands.
While there isn’t any literature specific to folk dancing, there is significant literature on the subject of using Niche Hobbies for pickup… As well, while “appearing desperate” is certainly advised against in basically any pickup literature, there is a significant body of work on the subject of appearing interesting (breakdowns on how to structure your conversation with someone new so that you can appear to have common interests… essentially how to make a cold read on someone).
I would be surprised if you don’t find real desperation a complete turn-off… guys who are actually desperate are almost universally despised by women and are generally called “creepy”.
On a side note—Pickup Theory asserts (This is even part of Mystery’s work) that showing vulnerability mixed in with confidence is an effective method in demonstrating your Long Term potential if your cold read of your target indicates that she is looking for an LTR.
I wasn’t on the pill when I was looking for a mate.
True, pure desperation is not attractive, but I was looking for a medium value between cockiness and desperation.
This is why I find pickup theory so incomprehensible. It all seems to be aimed at people looking for sex in bars. I don’t know anyone who does this (at least to my knowledge), so I have no mental model for how it works. I’m pretty sure the methods advocated would not work on me or most people I know, but I trust pickup artists to be right about how it works on people who hang out in bars.
You are mistaking all pickup theory for a subset of pickup theory that happens to be very effective at picking up at bars. Due to the nature of the beast (picking up in bars) it also tends to be the pickup theory that is the least politically correct… and therefore receives the most attention outside of the pickup community.
If you don’t go to clubs you are probably right that the routines in the Mystery Method probably wouldn’t work on you… they make sense in the club where they don’t seem out of place and are congruent with the general atmosphere. Those same methods attempted in some situations would seem incongruent… like the guy has no social awareness. A lack of social awareness being unattractive is as close to a universal rule of attraction as you can get.
Read pickup theory related to social situations that you generally find yourself in—You’ll probably find that guys that you have found yourself attracted to in the past acted at least partly in accordance with that theory.
As far as I know, there’s not pickup literature for the folk dance scene.
Yes, in a general way, I find confidence and social competence attractive in any environment. But at least consciously, my strategy was to look for nerdy boys who weren’t overconfident—because desperate boys would value me more. Devotion alone doesn’t make for a good relationship, so the trick was to find one who was both devoted and interesting. (And a folk dancer.)
I think it is fair to say looking for desperation is an unusual dating strategy for young women (though if desperation isn’t a turn-off for you, clearly a winning one).
Hitting on desperate boys(/girls) is an unusual strategy by definition...
(Nitpick: This is not technically by definition.)
By the definition of desperate including “not frequently hit on”?
It’s still a leg. ;)
Are you on “The Pill”—Recent scientific studies have indicated that taking birth control hormones actually affects a woman’s attraction triggers. Essentially the pill causes a woman to more highly value masculine traits that indicate stability (because it tricks the body into believing its pregnant, the body decides it wants to mate with a male who will take care of it, rather than the best possible sperm).
There is some discussion that the pill could be in part responsible for the increase in divorce rates as women come off the pill after marriage and suddenly find themselves no longer attracted to their husbands.
While there isn’t any literature specific to folk dancing, there is significant literature on the subject of using Niche Hobbies for pickup… As well, while “appearing desperate” is certainly advised against in basically any pickup literature, there is a significant body of work on the subject of appearing interesting (breakdowns on how to structure your conversation with someone new so that you can appear to have common interests… essentially how to make a cold read on someone).
I would be surprised if you don’t find real desperation a complete turn-off… guys who are actually desperate are almost universally despised by women and are generally called “creepy”.
On a side note—Pickup Theory asserts (This is even part of Mystery’s work) that showing vulnerability mixed in with confidence is an effective method in demonstrating your Long Term potential if your cold read of your target indicates that she is looking for an LTR.
I wasn’t on the pill when I was looking for a mate. True, pure desperation is not attractive, but I was looking for a medium value between cockiness and desperation.