I have no answer—I’ve been out of the dating pool for too long for any of my intuitions about actual equilibria obtained in various groups to be useful.
I would like to point out that not only is it a somewhat costly signal (ability to write a coherent description), it’s also a finer net, with more information about the seeker. This makes it likely to attract some people who don’t bother with short-form matches, and likely to completely avoid other seekers who aren’t looking for that kind of up-front reflectivity. On the whole, I’d expect fewer, but better matches.
However, this changes a lot if you don’t think it’s an exclusive strategy. If you’re thinking about what you’re looking for, what you’re providing, and able to put that into multiple search mechanisms (long-form, short-form online, real-world meetups, and openness and preparedness for non-standard meetings), you probably have a big advantage over more casual competitors.
Perhaps not enough advantage to overcome major personality or conformity- and wealth-presentation differences with the majority of potential partners, but it doesn’t need to be a majority, or even many—a few quality connections per quarter is likely enough to find good matches.
Note that dating advice doesn’t generalize well—it’s a highly-dimensional space, with idiosyncratic desires and offerings. Of course, most are close to average, but “standard” behaviors work just fine for them. If that’s not working for you, it’ll take a fair bit of trial-and-error (and the error is unpleasant!) to figure out how to enjoy and utilize your uniqueness.
Noob here. I wanted to admit that I came here for this subject, not to influence, but to be potentially influenced. I’m intrigued by the long-form profile idea (date-me doc) and am seriously considering and have been looking into adding the capability to my website. I’ve created a social media site aimed as resource for singles (advice, entertainment, options). The name of the site here is not important as it isn’t my purpose but will cross-reference LESSWRONG if/when I do implement this. I’ve been scouring sites on the topic and picking the best (read plagiarize) info to incorporate with my thoughts to justify this over dating apps. I just wanted to share a rough draft in hopes of seeing your interesting comments. I have another with more marketing spin but like the facts in this one better, so far.
I agree it’s not an exclusive strategy, but I understand pew research states that about 20% of people meet on dating apps today and another 20% on social media. Key findings about online dating in the U.S. | Pew Research Center. I think the long form profile fits somewhere in between these two and potentially offers something deliberate. I think it gives opportunity to tell the story of you, who you truly are, and at the detail level you choose, to an expanded audience. I will quote on source: Parade.com. BETH ANN MAYER who says, “A person who takes the time to create a date-me doc and give you details about their lives, is more likely to be serious about dating.”
Anyway, interested in your comments on this:
Dating App profiles are a Billboard Ad with a limited space to introduce yourself to potential partners. Dating apps are typically superficial, inauthentic, stressful, dehumanizing, overwhelming, time consuming, disappointing, frustrating, isolating, cause burnout, are strife with catfishing and scams, offer limited communications and lack transparency. Dating Apps don’t work because we are so wrapped up in our experiences that we don’t recognize or take the time to see those of others. It is hard to see the other person as a person with just a glance.
Dating apps push you to be brief, flirtatious, and a lot of people use completely canned, artificial profiles and pickup lines. Therefore, typical Dating Apps have Poor objective metrics and you tend to get a Low Resolution view of people. Dating apps limit the information people see about you and things like vibe, humor, pleasantness, kindness, caring, charm, etc., cannot come across on Tinder profile. When you meet someone new on dating apps, you are not meeting them, you meet their ambassador.
These downsides to using dating apps can be overcome in different ways to include providing greater access to more, diverse information about yourself as an individual—to show the bigger picture of you, your whole self, the aspects where someone can relate or connect to you, your life, worldview, interests, passions, background, culture, successes, failures and your dreams, etc.
The Date-Me Doc goal is straight forward: to be seen as a human and an individual. You’re not just another box of cereal on the grocery store shelf, but an individual. You have your own particulars and niches that are interesting to others. You don’t have to be artificial or a salesman and can just be you. Maybe be bold and honest regarding your perceived flaws, these might be of interest to the right person.
With dating apps, your matches are held back, and your discoverability is locked behind how much you pay. With Date-Me Docs, your dating profile is not exclusively available to only times when you or someone else is on dating apps and searching. To ease the process your (free) Date-Me Docs are available in everyday life, in your bio, linked from your signature block, your socials, shared to/from friends, or accessible on our site from your everyday life. For security, you can contact each other through the site for free as well.
What are Date-Me Docs exactly you might ask?
From hyper-efficient to a long form dating profile – a personal-ad-like, resume-cover letter-like, view only blog post, profile about yourself. Extending your reach. Free.
Dare to put yourself out there…“People putting themselves out there, saying clearly and publicly that they want a partner, and knowing who they are and what they’re looking for.”Wired
Bigger, more available audience—Community-wise long-form dating profiles make it easier for other community members to help with matchmaking.
Requires more attention span than a Tinder swipe. (More time on target)
Fresh approach. You can follow our template or create your own.
Not for everyone.
Dating apps are akin to picking someone up in a bar by their looks. Date-Me docs are akin to meeting someone IRL. Date-Me Docs are along the lines of conversations with someone, with someone we know more about like a friend of a friend at a party or a special interest group. paraphrased HackerNews
It’s really refreshing to see someone discussing the benefits of Date-Me Docs. I’m really tired of the cynicism that permeates a lot of dating tools and dating advice. I agree that Date-Me Docs give you the opportunity to communicate about yourself in more a meaningful and honest way. Unfortunately I feel like this value of the importance of straightforward and self-aware communication is just not very common in the general population, which makes it hard not to feel discouraged sometimes.
I have no answer—I’ve been out of the dating pool for too long for any of my intuitions about actual equilibria obtained in various groups to be useful.
I would like to point out that not only is it a somewhat costly signal (ability to write a coherent description), it’s also a finer net, with more information about the seeker. This makes it likely to attract some people who don’t bother with short-form matches, and likely to completely avoid other seekers who aren’t looking for that kind of up-front reflectivity. On the whole, I’d expect fewer, but better matches.
However, this changes a lot if you don’t think it’s an exclusive strategy. If you’re thinking about what you’re looking for, what you’re providing, and able to put that into multiple search mechanisms (long-form, short-form online, real-world meetups, and openness and preparedness for non-standard meetings), you probably have a big advantage over more casual competitors.
Perhaps not enough advantage to overcome major personality or conformity- and wealth-presentation differences with the majority of potential partners, but it doesn’t need to be a majority, or even many—a few quality connections per quarter is likely enough to find good matches.
Note that dating advice doesn’t generalize well—it’s a highly-dimensional space, with idiosyncratic desires and offerings. Of course, most are close to average, but “standard” behaviors work just fine for them. If that’s not working for you, it’ll take a fair bit of trial-and-error (and the error is unpleasant!) to figure out how to enjoy and utilize your uniqueness.
Noob here. I wanted to admit that I came here for this subject, not to influence, but to be potentially influenced. I’m intrigued by the long-form profile idea (date-me doc) and am seriously considering and have been looking into adding the capability to my website. I’ve created a social media site aimed as resource for singles (advice, entertainment, options). The name of the site here is not important as it isn’t my purpose but will cross-reference LESSWRONG if/when I do implement this. I’ve been scouring sites on the topic and picking the best (read plagiarize) info to incorporate with my thoughts to justify this over dating apps. I just wanted to share a rough draft in hopes of seeing your interesting comments. I have another with more marketing spin but like the facts in this one better, so far.
I agree it’s not an exclusive strategy, but I understand pew research states that about 20% of people meet on dating apps today and another 20% on social media. Key findings about online dating in the U.S. | Pew Research Center. I think the long form profile fits somewhere in between these two and potentially offers something deliberate. I think it gives opportunity to tell the story of you, who you truly are, and at the detail level you choose, to an expanded audience. I will quote on source: Parade.com. BETH ANN MAYER who says, “A person who takes the time to create a date-me doc and give you details about their lives, is more likely to be serious about dating.”
Anyway, interested in your comments on this:
Dating App profiles are a Billboard Ad with a limited space to introduce yourself to potential partners. Dating apps are typically superficial, inauthentic, stressful, dehumanizing, overwhelming, time consuming, disappointing, frustrating, isolating, cause burnout, are strife with catfishing and scams, offer limited communications and lack transparency. Dating Apps don’t work because we are so wrapped up in our experiences that we don’t recognize or take the time to see those of others. It is hard to see the other person as a person with just a glance.
Dating apps push you to be brief, flirtatious, and a lot of people use completely canned, artificial profiles and pickup lines. Therefore, typical Dating Apps have Poor objective metrics and you tend to get a Low Resolution view of people. Dating apps limit the information people see about you and things like vibe, humor, pleasantness, kindness, caring, charm, etc., cannot come across on Tinder profile. When you meet someone new on dating apps, you are not meeting them, you meet their ambassador.
These downsides to using dating apps can be overcome in different ways to include providing greater access to more, diverse information about yourself as an individual—to show the bigger picture of you, your whole self, the aspects where someone can relate or connect to you, your life, worldview, interests, passions, background, culture, successes, failures and your dreams, etc.
The Date-Me Doc goal is straight forward: to be seen as a human and an individual. You’re not just another box of cereal on the grocery store shelf, but an individual. You have your own particulars and niches that are interesting to others. You don’t have to be artificial or a salesman and can just be you. Maybe be bold and honest regarding your perceived flaws, these might be of interest to the right person.
With dating apps, your matches are held back, and your discoverability is locked behind how much you pay. With Date-Me Docs, your dating profile is not exclusively available to only times when you or someone else is on dating apps and searching. To ease the process your (free) Date-Me Docs are available in everyday life, in your bio, linked from your signature block, your socials, shared to/from friends, or accessible on our site from your everyday life. For security, you can contact each other through the site for free as well.
What are Date-Me Docs exactly you might ask?
From hyper-efficient to a long form dating profile – a personal-ad-like, resume-cover letter-like, view only blog post, profile about yourself. Extending your reach. Free.
Dare to put yourself out there…“People putting themselves out there, saying clearly and publicly that they want a partner, and knowing who they are and what they’re looking for.” Wired
Bigger, more available audience—Community-wise long-form dating profiles make it easier for other community members to help with matchmaking.
Requires more attention span than a Tinder swipe. (More time on target)
Fresh approach. You can follow our template or create your own.
Not for everyone.
Dating apps are akin to picking someone up in a bar by their looks. Date-Me docs are akin to meeting someone IRL. Date-Me Docs are along the lines of conversations with someone, with someone we know more about like a friend of a friend at a party or a special interest group. paraphrased HackerNews
It’s really refreshing to see someone discussing the benefits of Date-Me Docs. I’m really tired of the cynicism that permeates a lot of dating tools and dating advice. I agree that Date-Me Docs give you the opportunity to communicate about yourself in more a meaningful and honest way. Unfortunately I feel like this value of the importance of straightforward and self-aware communication is just not very common in the general population, which makes it hard not to feel discouraged sometimes.