I don’t know if this is the right place to ask, but…
Less Wrongers, do you believe in falling in love after 20-25? For me it seems that I am no longer able to feel anything as intensely as I was able to feel when I was 18. I don’t know what happened. I am not saying that people over 25 don’t love, just that it is no longer the same thing. Maybe I’m just generalizing from one example, but although I am still young, I feel like I’ve lost something significant. Can you relate to any of that?
What exactly does “falling in love” mean? Seems to me that the typical components are:
obsession with the other person;
sexual attraction to the other person;
feeling good in presence of the other person;
believing that being with the other person will solve all your problems and make life perfect forever.
Assuming that after 25 you become more mentally mature (as opposed to merely physically older), you should be less likely to believe in fixing all your problems by being with the right person. So this mental component of “teenage love” will be missing. You may still believe in fixing a specific problem though. (For example, if the other person is rich, it may solve your financial problems; if the other person is a fan of exercising, just living in their presence may make you more likely to exercise; and generally any person may solve the problem of loneliness.)
You can still become strongly obsessed, but assuming the mental maturity, you may have more control over the process. That is, you may be aware that you are obsessed, and it may make you less blind (or blind for a shorter period of time) towards the other person’s faults. You should be less likely to do crazy self-destructive actions as a result of the obsession. Your previous experience may make you aware that the obsession phase is temporary, and you could consider this either a very bad thing or a very good thing.
You can still feel strongly sexually attracted. Maybe in higher age the libido is weaker, or maybe you already have regular sex with someone else, so the sexual pressure will be smaller.
Feeling good with other people probably doesn’t depend on age, or the effects of age are smaller than effects of personality or your current situation. I am not very sure about this.
Also there are the changes in environment, such as when you are older you are more likely to be busy, so you have less time and opportunity to fall in love with someone, less opportunity to spend time with them (unless you move together), etc.
Also, if you are looking for a partner approximately in your age, the best ones are already taken. (Maybe this shouldn’t bother you, because if you are still single, the best ones were probably out of your league anyway.)
So, there are some disadvantages, but it’s still possible.
Also, if you are looking for a partner approximately in your age, the best ones are already taken. (Maybe this shouldn’t bother you, because if you are still single, the best ones were probably out of your league anyway.)
I don’t find this to be particularly true. I don’t even know if the converse (“the worst ones are least likely to be taken”) is true.
My definition of “the best ones” tends to include people who have invested a lot of energy into themselves and their careers, and thus made themselves less available and appealing on the dating market during their college years and mid-twenties.
In fact, when I casually look over my Facebook friend’s list, “the best ones” tend to remain single even after thirty, because they’re doing their physician’s residency, or undertaking a scientific expedition in a remote jungle, or something along those lines.
If “best ones” means “hottest ones”, well, people become suddenly single later in life for a wide variety of reasons.
In fact, when I casually look over my Facebook friend’s list, “the best ones” tend to remain single even after thirty
Do you use the lack of information on Facebook about the fact that they state that they are in a relationship as a sign that they aren’t in a relationship?
My husband and I fell in love when I was 40 and he was 36. I agree with Viliam: the obsession was definitely weaker, and the idea that the other will make life perfect forever was missing. But that’s a good thing, IMO.
I could relate to the same feeling when I was about your age, but at 31 I fell like I was never fallen before, and boy did it hurt like hell when it was over (it still does, in a sense).
So, another opposite data point.
It’s possible that the more experience we accumulate the better we become at manage whether or not to fall in love, but the intensity in my experience never fades.
I don’t know if this is the right place to ask, but… Less Wrongers, do you believe in falling in love after 20-25? For me it seems that I am no longer able to feel anything as intensely as I was able to feel when I was 18. I don’t know what happened. I am not saying that people over 25 don’t love, just that it is no longer the same thing. Maybe I’m just generalizing from one example, but although I am still young, I feel like I’ve lost something significant. Can you relate to any of that?
Yes, I can relate to feeling like there was no way I could fall in love again after ~25, but I was wrong.
What exactly does “falling in love” mean? Seems to me that the typical components are:
obsession with the other person;
sexual attraction to the other person;
feeling good in presence of the other person;
believing that being with the other person will solve all your problems and make life perfect forever.
Assuming that after 25 you become more mentally mature (as opposed to merely physically older), you should be less likely to believe in fixing all your problems by being with the right person. So this mental component of “teenage love” will be missing. You may still believe in fixing a specific problem though. (For example, if the other person is rich, it may solve your financial problems; if the other person is a fan of exercising, just living in their presence may make you more likely to exercise; and generally any person may solve the problem of loneliness.)
You can still become strongly obsessed, but assuming the mental maturity, you may have more control over the process. That is, you may be aware that you are obsessed, and it may make you less blind (or blind for a shorter period of time) towards the other person’s faults. You should be less likely to do crazy self-destructive actions as a result of the obsession. Your previous experience may make you aware that the obsession phase is temporary, and you could consider this either a very bad thing or a very good thing.
You can still feel strongly sexually attracted. Maybe in higher age the libido is weaker, or maybe you already have regular sex with someone else, so the sexual pressure will be smaller.
Feeling good with other people probably doesn’t depend on age, or the effects of age are smaller than effects of personality or your current situation. I am not very sure about this.
Also there are the changes in environment, such as when you are older you are more likely to be busy, so you have less time and opportunity to fall in love with someone, less opportunity to spend time with them (unless you move together), etc.
Also, if you are looking for a partner approximately in your age, the best ones are already taken. (Maybe this shouldn’t bother you, because if you are still single, the best ones were probably out of your league anyway.)
So, there are some disadvantages, but it’s still possible.
I don’t find this to be particularly true. I don’t even know if the converse (“the worst ones are least likely to be taken”) is true.
My definition of “the best ones” tends to include people who have invested a lot of energy into themselves and their careers, and thus made themselves less available and appealing on the dating market during their college years and mid-twenties.
In fact, when I casually look over my Facebook friend’s list, “the best ones” tend to remain single even after thirty, because they’re doing their physician’s residency, or undertaking a scientific expedition in a remote jungle, or something along those lines.
If “best ones” means “hottest ones”, well, people become suddenly single later in life for a wide variety of reasons.
Do you use the lack of information on Facebook about the fact that they state that they are in a relationship as a sign that they aren’t in a relationship?
My husband and I fell in love when I was 40 and he was 36. I agree with Viliam: the obsession was definitely weaker, and the idea that the other will make life perfect forever was missing. But that’s a good thing, IMO.
I could relate to the same feeling when I was about your age, but at 31 I fell like I was never fallen before, and boy did it hurt like hell when it was over (it still does, in a sense). So, another opposite data point.
It’s possible that the more experience we accumulate the better we become at manage whether or not to fall in love, but the intensity in my experience never fades.