You might not want to hear that, but your story is so typical, you might as well have your picture under the dictionary entry “children of Narcissistic parents”. I have heard identical stories a dozen times. If anyone was still in doubt “there was no me, there was just her and a faulty copy of her” gives it away. Also that your sister was the golden child, and you were the scapegoat.
Now to the really painful part. It is not clear to me if you are ready to admit that your parents are toxic and you should go full no-contact. They are beyond redemption. You owe them nothing. You have no mother, and never had one. The woman caretaker whose genetic material you share does not love you as a mother would, and never did (and probably never could).
There are also multiple online support groups for people like you, many of whom end up unwittingly perpetuating their parents behavior, suffer even more as a result, and subject their partners and children to the only behavioral pattern they know.
First, upvoted for the courage to seek help.
You might not want to hear that, but your story is so typical, you might as well have your picture under the dictionary entry “children of Narcissistic parents”. I have heard identical stories a dozen times. If anyone was still in doubt “there was no me, there was just her and a faulty copy of her” gives it away. Also that your sister was the golden child, and you were the scapegoat.
Now to the really painful part. It is not clear to me if you are ready to admit that your parents are toxic and you should go full no-contact. They are beyond redemption. You owe them nothing. You have no mother, and never had one. The woman caretaker whose genetic material you share does not love you as a mother would, and never did (and probably never could).
This is a classic self-help book on the subject which helped several people I know: http://www.willieverbegoodenough.com/ There are many other good ones, too, check the Amazon recommendations under http://www.amazon.com/Will-Ever-Good-Enough-Narcissistic-ebook/dp/B001AO0GD6 .
There are also multiple online support groups for people like you, many of whom end up unwittingly perpetuating their parents behavior, suffer even more as a result, and subject their partners and children to the only behavioral pattern they know.
Here is the questionnaire from the book: http://www.willieverbegoodenough.com/narcissistic-mother/ . You will probably answer Yes to 80% of the questions or more.
Good luck to you, you have a long way to travel to emotional sanity, hope you make it!
Thank you, I really needed that spelled out.
Fun fact about the questionare: when I excluded all “I don’t know” and “sometimes” answers—I got “yes” exactly 80%.
This does read like a textbook case of narcissistic parents. I speak from both experience and research.