This seemed explicitly born out of your experience and doesn’t seem obviously true to me
My personal hypothesis on the subject is that social interaction often feels draining for people because they inhibit their emotions. If Bob worries about what Alice thinks of him and doesn’t express the emotion there’s a good chance that he will feel drained after the interaction.
That hypothesis is backed by personal experience in the sense that when I’m anxious about a social action and suppressed that emotion that’s a draining social interaction. It’s also supported by a bunch more theoretic arguments.
Then there’s the hypothesis that well done NVC resolves the emotion. That’s again a hypothesis build on some experience and a bunch of theory about emotions.
You do reveal your needs by saying “I like being clever. I like pursuing ambitious goals.” That’s nice but I imagine that it’s mean to say that you run project Hufflepuff simply because you like being clever and you like to pursue ambitious projects.
I imagine that you do feel a desire to have a community that’s nicer to each other and that feels more connected to each other, however you don’t explicitly express that desire in your post.
This suggests to me that the NVC rhetorical moves aren’t deeply ingrained in your communication habits. Given that they aren’t deeply ingrained I would expect that it frequently happens in communications that you feel something and don’t express the feeling or the needs and afterwards feel drained.
If you actually spent a decent amount of time in NVC workshops, that would be interesting to know and might cause me to update in the direction of NVC being a framework that’s harder to use in practice.
I’m… actually not sure I understand what your argument actually was. I read it as saying “metaframework X isn’t a good framework for discussing how to communicate. Metaramework Y is better.” (With metaframework Y loosely pointing at the cluster of things shared by Circling, NVC and others).
The point was frameworks that are based on empiric experience, where there are exercises that have been refined for years are better than a framework like ask/guess culture that’s basically about an observation that’s turned into a blog post. Even when the blog post has been written by an respected community member and the framework with years of refining through practice is created by an outsider, the framework with longer history is still preferable.
That hypothesis is backed by personal experience in the sense that when I’m anxious about a social action and suppressed that emotion that’s a draining social interaction.
It’s also supported by a bunch more theoretic arguments.
Then there’s the hypothesis that well done NVC resolves the emotion. That’s again a hypothesis build on some experience and a bunch of theory about emotions.
To assess whether you practice NVC I might look at a post where you wrote your motivation for this series of blog posts ( http://lesswrong.com/lw/ouc/project_hufflepuff_planting_the_flag/ ) . A person from whom NVC is deeply integrated is likely going to make NVC rhetorical moves.
You do reveal your needs by saying “I like being clever. I like pursuing ambitious goals.” That’s nice but I imagine that it’s mean to say that you run project Hufflepuff simply because you like being clever and you like to pursue ambitious projects. I imagine that you do feel a desire to have a community that’s nicer to each other and that feels more connected to each other, however you don’t explicitly express that desire in your post.
This suggests to me that the NVC rhetorical moves aren’t deeply ingrained in your communication habits. Given that they aren’t deeply ingrained I would expect that it frequently happens in communications that you feel something and don’t express the feeling or the needs and afterwards feel drained.
If you actually spent a decent amount of time in NVC workshops, that would be interesting to know and might cause me to update in the direction of NVC being a framework that’s harder to use in practice.
The point was frameworks that are based on empiric experience, where there are exercises that have been refined for years are better than a framework like ask/guess culture that’s basically about an observation that’s turned into a blog post. Even when the blog post has been written by an respected community member and the framework with years of refining through practice is created by an outsider, the framework with longer history is still preferable.