This solution seems like it throws away any opportunity to improve things. If I disappoint someone, I want to know! Sometimes it’s cheap to change my future behavior. If not, I can at least explain why I behaved like I did, which often involves correcting their impression that I didn’t care about their preferences.
Sometimes if the territory is worse than your map, you should try to fix the territory.
What kind of work is this statement doing. It assumes that things are broken automatically and can be improved. Things are not already broken, the ground state just “IS”, but they can be improved from the current state by deliberate actions if you so choose.
If I disappoint someone, I want to know!
Definitely. In reverse this time—someone has an expectation, “they expect an action which didn’t amount”. It’s a disconnect between their expectations and reality.
(and I repeat-)
There is no wishful magical thinking that things will happen just by wanting really hard at reality. There is only the reality of the things that happen and our ability to plan around them. There is also no angry (in the territory), and no guilt. Only in the maps.
The world literally does not go dark, there are no literal clouds hanging over one’s shoulders if they are mad. Reality does not get angry. Only the maps in your head do.
If, instead of disappointment you view the world in terms of desired states and preferred states, you can bring about the same change if behaviour change and actions with no disappointment. “I would prefer it if happened.”. There is no need to be disappointed. (repeating myself but) disappointment is a reflection on the person who is disappointed and their inability to see reality for what it is, not the person who (might have) caused the disappointment.
Am I making sense? I feel like I might be not making sense.
I do think you are making sense—but assuming I am correctly understanding you, I also mostly disagree. This feels like pernicious Deep Wisdom to me.
Disappointment means you notice a disconnect between your observations and your expectations for those observations. Observing that disconnect is useful. It is good data, and useful (negative) reinforcement of related actions. Yes, it is partly data about yourself and your expectations, and you should update those too, which is also useful to help you update your map, but in addition it is information about this particular result and source of feedback.
It also is good information for other people’s maps, and we all agree that when we disappoint someone else, we want them to tell us. Or at least we want that now, while we are in far mode!
Getting angry, as opposed to disappointed, is more likely to be counterproductive, especially once it has already been observed, although telling someone ‘there is no need to be angry’ or even simply ‘do not be angry’ has a long history of not having the requested effect.
Disappointment means you notice a disconnect between your observations and your expectations for those observations.
Not quite. Disappointment is a specific emotional reaction usually associated with the mismatch between your expectations (often unreasonably high aka “hope”) and outcomes.
This solution seems like it throws away any opportunity to improve things. If I disappoint someone, I want to know! Sometimes it’s cheap to change my future behavior. If not, I can at least explain why I behaved like I did, which often involves correcting their impression that I didn’t care about their preferences.
Sometimes if the territory is worse than your map, you should try to fix the territory.
What kind of work is this statement doing. It assumes that things are broken automatically and can be improved. Things are not already broken, the ground state just “IS”, but they can be improved from the current state by deliberate actions if you so choose.
Definitely. In reverse this time—someone has an expectation, “they expect an action which didn’t amount”. It’s a disconnect between their expectations and reality.
(and I repeat-)
The world literally does not go dark, there are no literal clouds hanging over one’s shoulders if they are mad. Reality does not get angry. Only the maps in your head do.
If, instead of disappointment you view the world in terms of desired states and preferred states, you can bring about the same change if behaviour change and actions with no disappointment. “I would prefer it if happened.”. There is no need to be disappointed. (repeating myself but) disappointment is a reflection on the person who is disappointed and their inability to see reality for what it is, not the person who (might have) caused the disappointment.
Am I making sense? I feel like I might be not making sense.
I do think you are making sense—but assuming I am correctly understanding you, I also mostly disagree. This feels like pernicious Deep Wisdom to me.
Disappointment means you notice a disconnect between your observations and your expectations for those observations. Observing that disconnect is useful. It is good data, and useful (negative) reinforcement of related actions. Yes, it is partly data about yourself and your expectations, and you should update those too, which is also useful to help you update your map, but in addition it is information about this particular result and source of feedback.
It also is good information for other people’s maps, and we all agree that when we disappoint someone else, we want them to tell us. Or at least we want that now, while we are in far mode!
Getting angry, as opposed to disappointed, is more likely to be counterproductive, especially once it has already been observed, although telling someone ‘there is no need to be angry’ or even simply ‘do not be angry’ has a long history of not having the requested effect.
Not quite. Disappointment is a specific emotional reaction usually associated with the mismatch between your expectations (often unreasonably high aka “hope”) and outcomes.