My reaction to several of the truths and dares is, like… ”???”. Like, some combination of “I can’t think of anything” and “I don’t really know what that means”.
I dare you to briefly be your authentic self in a way that you know for a fact will be unpopular with the other people in the room. To prioritize your own values over consensus and social smoothness, even if only for a moment.
I don’t instinctively come up with anything for this. After floundering for a bit I can come up with “I could… pull down my pants and scratch my balls? I guess? Is that really the kind of thing this is thinking of? And do I really think it’s going to be unpopular? But if I didn’t, why wasn’t I already doing it?”
“I could… say out loud something that I believe but think most people here would find offensive? If I can think of something? But man, that doesn’t feel authentic, that feels like being deliberately provocative, it’s not like I had an urge to say it before I got this dare. At least not that I noticed?”
“Honestly, what does me being authentic even mean?”
And it mostly just feels like flailing.
Like, I think I want to play truth or dare with Duncan, and I think Duncan would happily play it with me. But I also think there’s a risk that I get a bunch of things like this and I feel kinda left out. Not like excluded, but like “apparently there’s something y’all have that I don’t”. (Which wouldn’t be a disaster.)
Maybe that means it’s not a good dare for me, a la “make sure you know who the challenge is ‘for.’” But then when I think about that I’m like… am I able to judge which people would be a good target for which dares? I’m not sure I am. This feels like a skill Duncan has more than me but I dunno about its distribution among other people.
...or maybe it means it is a good dare for me that would help me grow.
Similar reaction from a different direction: “make a prank call to your ex”. I react like “whoa, hold on, my ex hasn’t opted in to this. Shoulder Duncan points at things like Benign Boundary Violations and Is That Your True Rejection? Okay but...” Like that one feels uncomfortable in a way that I’m not sure if it means I shouldn’t do it.
In a game of truth or dare, how much thinking and elaboration do you generally anticipate/encourage? Like, if someone’s given a dare, do you think they typically react like “hoo boy, okay, um. Right, here goes”? Or more like “ah, to check, what do you mean by _? Okay, hm. Give me a moment to think. … Does _ satisfy the intent? No, okay. … How about _?”
I think I by-default imagine the first, but the second feels more likely to work well.
I feel like it might be somewhat common for people to be simultaneously light-world in some parts of their life and dark-world in others. Like, I think someone can simultaneously have internalized senses of: “I’m good at my job, and a valued member of the company. My employer treats me well, and is going to keep doing that, but if that stopped I could quit; I’d probably find a new job easily, but I have enough savings that there’s no rush. If my manager asks me for something unrealistic I can say it’s unrealistic and no one’s going to yell at me. If I get sick I can take a week off without worrying that I’m going to get fired. … No one likes me as a person all that much, they just tolerate my presence. My friends say otherwise but they sure do seem to hang out with each other more than they hang out with me, and I can’t bring that up with them because I don’t want to lose them. Anyone I express romantic or sexual interest in gets distant, or just straight-up ghosts me. This new person seems friendly, but...”
Good Will Hunting. Probably lots of other movies and books too, but that’s what comes to mind.
Thoughts on rereading.
My reaction to several of the truths and dares is, like… ”???”. Like, some combination of “I can’t think of anything” and “I don’t really know what that means”.
I don’t instinctively come up with anything for this. After floundering for a bit I can come up with “I could… pull down my pants and scratch my balls? I guess? Is that really the kind of thing this is thinking of? And do I really think it’s going to be unpopular? But if I didn’t, why wasn’t I already doing it?”
“I could… say out loud something that I believe but think most people here would find offensive? If I can think of something? But man, that doesn’t feel authentic, that feels like being deliberately provocative, it’s not like I had an urge to say it before I got this dare. At least not that I noticed?”
“Honestly, what does me being authentic even mean?”
And it mostly just feels like flailing.
Like, I think I want to play truth or dare with Duncan, and I think Duncan would happily play it with me. But I also think there’s a risk that I get a bunch of things like this and I feel kinda left out. Not like excluded, but like “apparently there’s something y’all have that I don’t”. (Which wouldn’t be a disaster.)
Maybe that means it’s not a good dare for me, a la “make sure you know who the challenge is ‘for.’” But then when I think about that I’m like… am I able to judge which people would be a good target for which dares? I’m not sure I am. This feels like a skill Duncan has more than me but I dunno about its distribution among other people.
...or maybe it means it is a good dare for me that would help me grow.
Similar reaction from a different direction: “make a prank call to your ex”. I react like “whoa, hold on, my ex hasn’t opted in to this. Shoulder Duncan points at things like Benign Boundary Violations and Is That Your True Rejection? Okay but...” Like that one feels uncomfortable in a way that I’m not sure if it means I shouldn’t do it.
In a game of truth or dare, how much thinking and elaboration do you generally anticipate/encourage? Like, if someone’s given a dare, do you think they typically react like “hoo boy, okay, um. Right, here goes”? Or more like “ah, to check, what do you mean by _? Okay, hm. Give me a moment to think. … Does _ satisfy the intent? No, okay. … How about _?”
I think I by-default imagine the first, but the second feels more likely to work well.
I feel like it might be somewhat common for people to be simultaneously light-world in some parts of their life and dark-world in others. Like, I think someone can simultaneously have internalized senses of: “I’m good at my job, and a valued member of the company. My employer treats me well, and is going to keep doing that, but if that stopped I could quit; I’d probably find a new job easily, but I have enough savings that there’s no rush. If my manager asks me for something unrealistic I can say it’s unrealistic and no one’s going to yell at me. If I get sick I can take a week off without worrying that I’m going to get fired. … No one likes me as a person all that much, they just tolerate my presence. My friends say otherwise but they sure do seem to hang out with each other more than they hang out with me, and I can’t bring that up with them because I don’t want to lose them. Anyone I express romantic or sexual interest in gets distant, or just straight-up ghosts me. This new person seems friendly, but...”
Good Will Hunting. Probably lots of other movies and books too, but that’s what comes to mind.