(this comment is copied to the other essay as well)
I respect the attempt, here, and I think a version of the thesis is true. Letting go of control and trying to appreciate the present moment is probably the best course of action given that one is confronted with impending doom. I also recognize that reaching this state is not just a switch one can immediately flip in one’s mind; it can only be reached by way of practice.
With these things in mind, I am still not okay. More than anything I find myself craving ignorance. I envy my wife; she’s not in ratspaces whatsoever and as far as I know has no idea people hold these beliefs. I think that would be a better way to live; perhaps an unpopular opinion on the website where people try not to live in ignorance. It’s hard not to be resentful sometimes. I resent the AI researchers, the site culture, and I especially resent certain MIRI founders and their declarations of defeat.
I think that means I need to disconnect, once and for all. I’ve been toying with the idea that I need to disconnect from the LW sphere completely and frankly I think it’s overdue. Dear reader; if you aren’t going to go solve alignment, I suggest you consider following suit. I might hand around a bit to view replies to this comment but… Yeah. Thanks for all the food for thought over the years LW, I’m not sure if it was worth it.
Do what you need to do to take care of yourself! It sounds like you don’t choose to open up to your wife about your distress, for fear of causing her distress. I follow your logic there, but I also hope you do have someone you can talk to about it whom you don’t fear harming, because they already know and are perhaps further along on the grief / acceptance path than you are.
(this comment is copied to the other essay as well)
I respect the attempt, here, and I think a version of the thesis is true. Letting go of control and trying to appreciate the present moment is probably the best course of action given that one is confronted with impending doom. I also recognize that reaching this state is not just a switch one can immediately flip in one’s mind; it can only be reached by way of practice.
With these things in mind, I am still not okay. More than anything I find myself craving ignorance. I envy my wife; she’s not in ratspaces whatsoever and as far as I know has no idea people hold these beliefs. I think that would be a better way to live; perhaps an unpopular opinion on the website where people try not to live in ignorance. It’s hard not to be resentful sometimes. I resent the AI researchers, the site culture, and I especially resent certain MIRI founders and their declarations of defeat.
I think that means I need to disconnect, once and for all. I’ve been toying with the idea that I need to disconnect from the LW sphere completely and frankly I think it’s overdue. Dear reader; if you aren’t going to go solve alignment, I suggest you consider following suit. I might hand around a bit to view replies to this comment but… Yeah. Thanks for all the food for thought over the years LW, I’m not sure if it was worth it.
Do what you need to do to take care of yourself! It sounds like you don’t choose to open up to your wife about your distress, for fear of causing her distress. I follow your logic there, but I also hope you do have someone you can talk to about it whom you don’t fear harming, because they already know and are perhaps further along on the grief / acceptance path than you are.
Good luck. I wish you well.