Something I’ve noticed in dating apps that I think is actually useful for a majority of people: relying on incoming likes gives you much lower-quality matches. I’ve had >100 conversations and met ~5 people from my incoming likes. Nice people, but the chemistry just wasn’t there.
When I ignore all of that and only message profiles that feel genuinely high-potential to me, the matches are immediately better. Maybe 1 in 10 of my messages are responded to, but the funny thing is: it doesn’t feel like rejection at all. I forget the ones who don’t answer. The only things that stick are the good matches — and those almost always come from actively reaching out.
Example: someone had a line about valuing silence on their profile. I wrote “Silent first date?” and we actually did a totally mute first date. Super fun. That kind of thing has low probability of coming from passively waiting.
If you want better matches, volume and proactiveness matters. Don’t rely on who shows up — go after who you actually want.
Haha fair — I wasn’t trying to overhaul the entire dating market with one LW shortform. I just noticed this helped a few people I know, so I figured I’d share it in case it resonates with others too.
Something I’ve noticed in dating apps that I think is actually useful for a majority of people: relying on incoming likes gives you much lower-quality matches. I’ve had >100 conversations and met ~5 people from my incoming likes. Nice people, but the chemistry just wasn’t there.
When I ignore all of that and only message profiles that feel genuinely high-potential to me, the matches are immediately better. Maybe 1 in 10 of my messages are responded to, but the funny thing is: it doesn’t feel like rejection at all. I forget the ones who don’t answer. The only things that stick are the good matches — and those almost always come from actively reaching out.
Example: someone had a line about valuing silence on their profile. I wrote “Silent first date?” and we actually did a totally mute first date. Super fun. That kind of thing has low probability of coming from passively waiting.
If you want better matches, volume and proactiveness matters. Don’t rely on who shows up — go after who you actually want.
this is good advice for exactly 50% of the population, right? like, somebody needs to be reading the messages you are sending.
Haha fair — I wasn’t trying to overhaul the entire dating market with one LW shortform. I just noticed this helped a few people I know, so I figured I’d share it in case it resonates with others too.