If you give me your attention, I will tell you what I am: I’m a genuine philanthropist — all other kinds are sham. Each little fault of temper and each social defect In my erring fellow-creatures, I endeavour to correct. To all their little weaknesses I open people’s eyes; And little plans to snub the self-sufficient I devise; I love my fellow creatures — I do all the good I can — Yet ev’rybody says I’m such a disagreeable man! And I can’t think why! To compliments inflated I’ve a withering reply; And vanity I always do my best to mortify; A charitable action I can skillfully dissect; And interested motives I’m delighted to detect; I know ev’rybody’s income and what ev’rybody earns; And I carefully compare it with the income-tax returns; But to benefit humanity however much I plan, Yet ev’rybody says I’m such a disagreeable man! And I can’t think why! I’m sure I’m no ascetic; I’m as pleasant as can be; You’ll always find me ready with a crushing repartee, I’ve an irritating chuckle, I’ve a celebrated sneer, I’ve an entertaining snigger, I’ve a fascinating leer. To ev’rybody’s prejudice I know a thing or two; I can tell a woman’s age in half a minute — and I do. But although I try to make myself as pleasant as I can, Yet ev’rybody says I’m such a disagreeable man! And I can’t think why!
If you give me your attention, I will tell you what I am:
I’m a genuine philanthropist — all other kinds are sham.
Each little fault of temper and each social defect
In my erring fellow-creatures, I endeavour to correct.
To all their little weaknesses I open people’s eyes;
And little plans to snub the self-sufficient I devise;
I love my fellow creatures — I do all the good I can —
Yet ev’rybody says I’m such a disagreeable man!
And I can’t think why!
To compliments inflated I’ve a withering reply;
And vanity I always do my best to mortify;
A charitable action I can skillfully dissect;
And interested motives I’m delighted to detect;
I know ev’rybody’s income and what ev’rybody earns;
And I carefully compare it with the income-tax returns;
But to benefit humanity however much I plan,
I’m sure I’m no ascetic; I’m as pleasant as can be;
You’ll always find me ready with a crushing repartee,
I’ve an irritating chuckle, I’ve a celebrated sneer,
I’ve an entertaining snigger, I’ve a fascinating leer.
To ev’rybody’s prejudice I know a thing or two;
I can tell a woman’s age in half a minute — and I do.
But although I try to make myself as pleasant as I can,
From “Princess Ida” by Gilbert and Sullivan
From “Princess Ida” by Gilbert and Sullivan