I am a bit surprised about one of them still being a friend of yours. Do you in a sense forgive him because I don’t know it wasn’t too painful or him being not aware of what he was doing? My intuition was kind of the amount of trauma might be about the amount of pain. If it’s really painful one can of cause get very traumatised as you also point out, it would have been diferent if it would have been very violent
(Idk why I’m replying to this 2 years later). I forgave him for what I think are pretty normal reasons to forgive someone. A combination (1) of he’s been a good friend in many respects over the years and so has a bunch of “credit” and I wanted to find a path to our relationship continuing, (2) nothing like that ever happened again so I believe it was really aberrant and unlucky or he took it really seriously and changed, (3) like I said above it wasn’t that harmful to me and seemed less harmful than a lot of stuff a lot of other people do so it seemed like it should be in the “forgivable actions” reference class.
If I’d been the only woman in the world I probably would have forgiven him more quickly but I felt some need to punish him extra on behalf of the women who would have suffered more from what he did to me than I did.
I am a bit surprised about one of them still being a friend of yours. Do you in a sense forgive him because I don’t know it wasn’t too painful or him being not aware of what he was doing? My intuition was kind of the amount of trauma might be about the amount of pain. If it’s really painful one can of cause get very traumatised as you also point out, it would have been diferent if it would have been very violent
(Idk why I’m replying to this 2 years later). I forgave him for what I think are pretty normal reasons to forgive someone. A combination (1) of he’s been a good friend in many respects over the years and so has a bunch of “credit” and I wanted to find a path to our relationship continuing, (2) nothing like that ever happened again so I believe it was really aberrant and unlucky or he took it really seriously and changed, (3) like I said above it wasn’t that harmful to me and seemed less harmful than a lot of stuff a lot of other people do so it seemed like it should be in the “forgivable actions” reference class.
If I’d been the only woman in the world I probably would have forgiven him more quickly but I felt some need to punish him extra on behalf of the women who would have suffered more from what he did to me than I did.