My twist on that is that I use ‘will’ instead of ‘must’. Similar to Jonathan I don’t think I need to alter my emotional responses and I reject such demands even from myself. “Will”, “want” and sometimes “am” all work better for me. (This can just mean leaving off the first sentence there.)
I won’t look for the study hyperlink, but I was also charmed by something showing that the self-question “will I X?” was interesting in that it actually movtivated people to do X (more so than something like “I must X”). That is, having a curious/wondering tone seemed helpful. I and the reporters of this result may be missing the actual cause, of course.
I’ve seen it, probably while reading through pjeby’s work. It’s one of favourite tactics. I don’t recall the name he gives it but that curious wondering tone seems to work wonders.
That makes sense to me. “Must” implies a moral code; if you decline to accept responsibility from any external moral code, you could interpret it as “must, according to rational methods of achieving my personal goals,” but there’s no advantage to that circuitous interpretation over the changes you suggest.
My twist on that is that I use ‘will’ instead of ‘must’. Similar to Jonathan I don’t think I need to alter my emotional responses and I reject such demands even from myself. “Will”, “want” and sometimes “am” all work better for me. (This can just mean leaving off the first sentence there.)
I won’t look for the study hyperlink, but I was also charmed by something showing that the self-question “will I X?” was interesting in that it actually movtivated people to do X (more so than something like “I must X”). That is, having a curious/wondering tone seemed helpful. I and the reporters of this result may be missing the actual cause, of course.
I’ve seen it, probably while reading through pjeby’s work. It’s one of favourite tactics. I don’t recall the name he gives it but that curious wondering tone seems to work wonders.
That makes sense to me. “Must” implies a moral code; if you decline to accept responsibility from any external moral code, you could interpret it as “must, according to rational methods of achieving my personal goals,” but there’s no advantage to that circuitous interpretation over the changes you suggest.
Exactly the reasoning I use.