Leave an Emotional Line of Retreat

It can be hard to handle social rejection well. I think I have found a framing that is probably not sufficient, but goes in the right direction.

I’m using something that is a corollary of Leave a Line of Retreat. When there is a situation where I might be socially rejected, I visualize the negative outcome. I don’t try to exaggerate it, I just try to have a realistic idea of what that outcome would actually look like and what its consequences would be. For example, I might visualize the scenario where the person says “This conversation is not valuable to me, let’s not talk about this.” And then they walk away.

This actually never happened directly to me like this, but I can totally see this happening. I feel like if this never happens it can be a sign that you don’t even try to talk to people sufficiently more interesting and smarter than you. And I expect that such people are generally really good to talk to, if you can make them.

The idea is to visualize the scenario of rejection, and then realize that you would still be fine after it. It’s an acceptable outcome. It’s not the ideal outcome. You don’t want this outcome. It’s good to optimize against this outcome. But if this outcome should happen, you will be fine. This is the core realization that you want to get on an intuitive level from the visualization.

Doing this can make you first of all better at interacting, because you are less anxious. At least for me, this is often a problem. And second, it makes it easier to initiate social interactions, that you wouldn’t initiate otherwise, because you are too scared.

I think it is often worse to not try, than to get rejected. Getting rejected can even be thought of as a success, after all you can only get rejected if you tried. Not even trying is the worst failure mode. Failure is guaranteed.