I had a related problem: performing a test without visualizing each of the potential outcomes.
I had been dating a guy long distance for about three months, and we were planning on moving in together. I had some reservations; my visits out there had been pleasant, but I wasn’t sure that getting along for ~5 days at a time was that predictive of how well we would get along living together, and I had a bunch of specific doubts (such as his ability to have a difficult conversation in a way I felt comfortable with). I thought to myself “the way to deal with these worries is to give him a call.” I did not think to myself “what would lead to me believing these worries, and calling off moving in together?” (Mistake 1.)
So, I call him, mention that I’m having some doubts and he explodes; everything’s going terribly, and now also his boyfriend might be dumping him, and so I reassure him that I’m not dumping him and we’re still moving in together, and that I had just been calling for reassurance. (This is why the mistake feels related: I made the decision during a high-pressure environment.) The call ends, and I realize “well, shit; that’s basically confirmed my worries, and if I had planned ahead I would have known to call it off when he exploded.” Then Mistake 2 happened: “I’ve already said we’re going ahead with it, so I can’t call him back and break up with him now.”
I had a related problem: performing a test without visualizing each of the potential outcomes.
I had been dating a guy long distance for about three months, and we were planning on moving in together. I had some reservations; my visits out there had been pleasant, but I wasn’t sure that getting along for ~5 days at a time was that predictive of how well we would get along living together, and I had a bunch of specific doubts (such as his ability to have a difficult conversation in a way I felt comfortable with). I thought to myself “the way to deal with these worries is to give him a call.” I did not think to myself “what would lead to me believing these worries, and calling off moving in together?” (Mistake 1.)
So, I call him, mention that I’m having some doubts and he explodes; everything’s going terribly, and now also his boyfriend might be dumping him, and so I reassure him that I’m not dumping him and we’re still moving in together, and that I had just been calling for reassurance. (This is why the mistake feels related: I made the decision during a high-pressure environment.) The call ends, and I realize “well, shit; that’s basically confirmed my worries, and if I had planned ahead I would have known to call it off when he exploded.” Then Mistake 2 happened: “I’ve already said we’re going ahead with it, so I can’t call him back and break up with him now.”
(We broke up 3 months into a 12 month lease.)