As a woman who doesn’t suck at math, I am down to discuss the first question, but the second one makes me want to slap you.
Is it ok to threaten (or declare the desire to do) physical violence upon someone if you don’t get your way simply because you are a woman? Careful which stereotypes you support. You don’t usually get “heh. Female violence is harmless and cute!” without a whole lot of paternalism bundled in.
On the other hand, hasn’t there been some discussion of the idea that you have to believe something, however briefly, to understand it?
Even though expressing a desire to slap has no macro bodily effect [1], it still has an emotional effect which is going to affect how a conversation goes, however slightly. [2]
[1] Tentative phrasing used to respect the idea that everything is physical, including thoughts and emotions, but that some things affect people physically more than others.
[2] I believe that “just ignore it” leaves out that ignoring things is work.
If I said something to offend you over the internet, and you said it made you feel like hitting me, I would think it was no big thing, especially if you went on to explicitly clarify that you would never actually hit me. I would not perceive it as a serious threat in any case.
If you said something like that in real life, in full public view with many onlookers, I might depending on your body language be slightly more concerned, but I would probably just raise an eyebrow and imply that you were being a creep. If I said the same to you, I wouldn’t look as ridiculous, since most likely you’re bigger and stronger than me, but I doubt it would win anyone over either.
If you actually physically attacked me, I would do my best to see that criminal charges were brought, and I would not physically attack anyone myself if I were unwilling to defend my actions in court. That last scenario is so far from what actually happened here that it really seems like a red herring, though.
If I said something to offend you over the internet, and you said it made you feel like hitting me, I would think it was no big thing, especially if you went on to explicitly clarify that you would never actually hit me. I would not perceive it as a serious threat in any case.
Really? My instincts anticipate a significant negative response if I said I wanted to hit someone around here. On the order of a substantial faux pas not a personal security risk. But to be honest I haven’t exactly calibrated that intuition all that much. Because I just don’t go around saying I want to hit people.
If another data point helps, I basically agree with you… if someone told me that what I’d said made them want to hit me, I’d consider it rude, possibly funny (depending on context), and not significantly changing my estimate that they would actually hit me.
Is it ok to threaten (or declare the desire to do) physical violence upon someone if you don’t get your way simply because you are a woman? Careful which stereotypes you support. You don’t usually get “heh. Female violence is harmless and cute!” without a whole lot of paternalism bundled in.
Slaps, generally, are relatively harmless. Unfulfilled desires to slap, even more so.
On the other hand, hasn’t there been some discussion of the idea that you have to believe something, however briefly, to understand it?
Even though expressing a desire to slap has no macro bodily effect [1], it still has an emotional effect which is going to affect how a conversation goes, however slightly. [2]
[1] Tentative phrasing used to respect the idea that everything is physical, including thoughts and emotions, but that some things affect people physically more than others.
[2] I believe that “just ignore it” leaves out that ignoring things is work.
If I said something to offend you over the internet, and you said it made you feel like hitting me, I would think it was no big thing, especially if you went on to explicitly clarify that you would never actually hit me. I would not perceive it as a serious threat in any case.
If you said something like that in real life, in full public view with many onlookers, I might depending on your body language be slightly more concerned, but I would probably just raise an eyebrow and imply that you were being a creep. If I said the same to you, I wouldn’t look as ridiculous, since most likely you’re bigger and stronger than me, but I doubt it would win anyone over either.
If you actually physically attacked me, I would do my best to see that criminal charges were brought, and I would not physically attack anyone myself if I were unwilling to defend my actions in court. That last scenario is so far from what actually happened here that it really seems like a red herring, though.
Really? My instincts anticipate a significant negative response if I said I wanted to hit someone around here. On the order of a substantial faux pas not a personal security risk. But to be honest I haven’t exactly calibrated that intuition all that much. Because I just don’t go around saying I want to hit people.
If another data point helps, I basically agree with you… if someone told me that what I’d said made them want to hit me, I’d consider it rude, possibly funny (depending on context), and not significantly changing my estimate that they would actually hit me.
What sort of thing would change your estimate of whether someone would actually hit you?
Hitting me.
Hitting others.
Demonstrating poor impulse control in general.
Physically intimidating me (e.g., looming up in my personal space).
In general, someone using their words increases my estimate that they will continue using their words.