Recently I sent a message to an old friend who had stopped talking to me a while ago. I asked if he was done ignoring me and he said something along the lines of ‘you’re temperamental, clearly delusional and gullible which is something I can live without’. Now, I was wondering about how I could improve on with respect to their impressions socially, since I am doing well currently in managing them with respect to personal wellbeing. I’d like to step past how his comments are hurtful, and recognise better how my behaviour may have hurt and continues to hurt people I know, and what I can do to improve. All tips welcome.
“Are you done ignoring me?” is attributing a bad motive to normal human behavior (people lose contact with old friends on a pretty regular basis). So that’s a very bad way to start such a conversation, and may indicate something about why he responded the way that he did.
I guess that you personally would profit from more filtering of your thoughts before you express them to other people. On LW you could easily have a higher positive karma rating than 53% by thinking more about how other people are likely to receive your posts. LW karma isn’t perfect but it’s an easy signal you can use as feedback.
When it comes to face to face interaction I think high feedback workshops are good. I would avoid PUA style training that centers around antagonistic interactions.
If you want to speak without much filtering Radical Honesty workshops and Authentic Relating/Circling workshops can help you to communicate in a socially acceptable way.
Don’t generalize from a sample of one. You should pay attention to interactions on a moment to moment basis and keep track of outcomes. If you do find that people start to glaze over when you start talking about alien abductions, you might hypothesize that “delusional and gullible” is something that multiple people would agree to (or, alternatively, that it is boring subject, which is also useful information). If people seem surprised when you express annoyance, this may indicate that they would agree that you are temperamental. If you don’t see this when interacting with other people, it is possible that it is your old friend who is actually temperamental and delusional.
Now, I was wondering about how I could improve on with respect to their impressions socially, since I am doing well currently in managing them with respect to personal wellbeing.
Perhaps I’m misinterpreting you, but I read the above to be asking, “How can I improve at x even though improving at x won’t increase my wellbeing?”
I asked him why he believes that and he has now responding to say he’s been telling me for years why and it just goes right over my head and he doesn’t want to be part of that anymore.
Recently I sent a message to an old friend who had stopped talking to me a while ago. I asked if he was done ignoring me and he said something along the lines of ‘you’re temperamental, clearly delusional and gullible which is something I can live without’. Now, I was wondering about how I could improve on with respect to their impressions socially, since I am doing well currently in managing them with respect to personal wellbeing. I’d like to step past how his comments are hurtful, and recognise better how my behaviour may have hurt and continues to hurt people I know, and what I can do to improve. All tips welcome.
“Are you done ignoring me?” is attributing a bad motive to normal human behavior (people lose contact with old friends on a pretty regular basis). So that’s a very bad way to start such a conversation, and may indicate something about why he responded the way that he did.
I guess that you personally would profit from more filtering of your thoughts before you express them to other people. On LW you could easily have a higher positive karma rating than 53% by thinking more about how other people are likely to receive your posts. LW karma isn’t perfect but it’s an easy signal you can use as feedback.
When it comes to face to face interaction I think high feedback workshops are good. I would avoid PUA style training that centers around antagonistic interactions. If you want to speak without much filtering Radical Honesty workshops and Authentic Relating/Circling workshops can help you to communicate in a socially acceptable way.
Don’t generalize from a sample of one. You should pay attention to interactions on a moment to moment basis and keep track of outcomes. If you do find that people start to glaze over when you start talking about alien abductions, you might hypothesize that “delusional and gullible” is something that multiple people would agree to (or, alternatively, that it is boring subject, which is also useful information). If people seem surprised when you express annoyance, this may indicate that they would agree that you are temperamental. If you don’t see this when interacting with other people, it is possible that it is your old friend who is actually temperamental and delusional.
Perhaps I’m misinterpreting you, but I read the above to be asking, “How can I improve at x even though improving at x won’t increase my wellbeing?”
Have you tried asking him why he thought these things?
I asked him prompted by this suggestion:
I asked him why he believes that and he has now responding to say he’s been telling me for years why and it just goes right over my head and he doesn’t want to be part of that anymore.
So not really sure why...