That is because all the available guys are roughly equal to you in status. So you don’t really want any of them. Not enough immortal vampires to go around.
Well, maybe. But I think one of the serious confounding factors is that I don’t actually like sex and all the associated relationship crap. My friend, who does, has been in lots of relationships with guys who seemed low status to me (and yes, I had specifically that thought...most of them so far still live with their moms.) Granted, she’s a single mom who hasn’t finished her high school, and doesn’t give off the impression of intelligence when she speaks (apparently I do)–so perhaps her status is closer to theirs, and maybe she feels that it’s lower. So it’s possible for her to have a relationship where she doesn’t get along great with the guy, and sometimes doesn’t even like his personality that much, but the sex is awesome and that balances it out. Wouldn’t happen with me. The sex is something I put up with in order to make this weird alien beast happy, so that I can have the other parts of the relationship–I kind of like the whole living together, cooking together, “playing house” thing. And I want kids, and don’t want to be a single mom. Honestly, that’s probably the main reason I make any effort–I don’t get lonely per se being single. (Are you implying that my feelings will change and I suddenly will start to get massively lonely once I perceive that my status has dropped and I’m no longer desirable to males?)
I’m trying to think of times that I did perceive myself as lower status, i.e. high school. Hard to know if I remember correctly, but I had crushes on guys and a few girls. Same as now. If I fantasized at all, my fantasies didn’t include kissing or touching–should have been a clue-in, although at that point I was still expecting to be “normal” with respect to those things. I remember dating a guy at the end of high school who, physically, was considered much more relatively attractive than me, enough that people made comments about it to my friends–but I think he considered me similar or even higher status–I was much more independent, living on my own while he lived with his mom, working and paying my own tuition and rent, getting 90s in first-year university while he failed a couple of his first exams. And he was very aware of that and made comments about it. (In hindsight, that may have been a problem in that relationship, and may have contributed to why we broke up. Maybe I should have learned to play lower status in the sense of “act less smart”? Is that what most girls do?)
The sex is something I put up with in order to make this weird alien beast happy, so that I can have the other parts of the relationship–I kind of like the whole living together, cooking together, “playing house” thing. And I want kids, and don’t want to be a single mom.
You could date ace people and not have to make this tradeoff.
Well, maybe. But I think one of the serious confounding factors is that I don’t actually like sex and all the associated relationship crap. My friend, who does, has been in lots of relationships with guys who seemed low status to me (and yes, I had specifically that thought...most of them so far still live with their moms.) Granted, she’s a single mom who hasn’t finished her high school, and doesn’t give off the impression of intelligence when she speaks (apparently I do)–so perhaps her status is closer to theirs, and maybe she feels that it’s lower. So it’s possible for her to have a relationship where she doesn’t get along great with the guy, and sometimes doesn’t even like his personality that much, but the sex is awesome and that balances it out. Wouldn’t happen with me. The sex is something I put up with in order to make this weird alien beast happy, so that I can have the other parts of the relationship–I kind of like the whole living together, cooking together, “playing house” thing. And I want kids, and don’t want to be a single mom. Honestly, that’s probably the main reason I make any effort–I don’t get lonely per se being single. (Are you implying that my feelings will change and I suddenly will start to get massively lonely once I perceive that my status has dropped and I’m no longer desirable to males?)
I’m trying to think of times that I did perceive myself as lower status, i.e. high school. Hard to know if I remember correctly, but I had crushes on guys and a few girls. Same as now. If I fantasized at all, my fantasies didn’t include kissing or touching–should have been a clue-in, although at that point I was still expecting to be “normal” with respect to those things. I remember dating a guy at the end of high school who, physically, was considered much more relatively attractive than me, enough that people made comments about it to my friends–but I think he considered me similar or even higher status–I was much more independent, living on my own while he lived with his mom, working and paying my own tuition and rent, getting 90s in first-year university while he failed a couple of his first exams. And he was very aware of that and made comments about it. (In hindsight, that may have been a problem in that relationship, and may have contributed to why we broke up. Maybe I should have learned to play lower status in the sense of “act less smart”? Is that what most girls do?)
You could date ace people and not have to make this tradeoff.
I could–now how do I meet ace people?
I believe they have websites, meetup groups, &c. Not all of them will be there, but some will.