My model of people and matching is _not_ what you describe. There is no “ideal match”. There are hundreds of millions of great matches, and it’s more about timing and environment than about finding the perfect one. Arranged marriages work. Dating apps work. Meeting in bars or activity centers works. Friend of a friend works. Finding the person isn’t hard. Finding a person _at the time when you’re both actually open to the sacrifices and compromises to make it permanent_ is hard. And maintaining that willingness over time is extremely hard. A bit of self-deception helps in this, which is why pop culture shows it so much: if you can convince yourself that this is “the one”, it’s way easier to make the choice to continue.
I love my wife of 16 years, and can’t seriously imagine making a life with anyone else. But I know that’s my brain lying to me, to help me reinforce my commitment and joy. In fact, it’s likely that there are many millions who would have matched just as well.
My model of people and matching is _not_ what you describe. There is no “ideal match”. There are hundreds of millions of great matches, and it’s more about timing and environment than about finding the perfect one. Arranged marriages work. Dating apps work. Meeting in bars or activity centers works. Friend of a friend works. Finding the person isn’t hard. Finding a person _at the time when you’re both actually open to the sacrifices and compromises to make it permanent_ is hard. And maintaining that willingness over time is extremely hard. A bit of self-deception helps in this, which is why pop culture shows it so much: if you can convince yourself that this is “the one”, it’s way easier to make the choice to continue.
I love my wife of 16 years, and can’t seriously imagine making a life with anyone else. But I know that’s my brain lying to me, to help me reinforce my commitment and joy. In fact, it’s likely that there are many millions who would have matched just as well.