When it comes to appearance, the large majority of people look generic and unremarkable. In order to capture significant benefits from appearance, the main problem is to (a) be noticeable at all, and (b) not in a “wow that guy looks noticeably terrible” sort of way (like e.g. a hobo).
I personally have A Look. Waitstaff at restaurants recognize me the second time I go, and if I have a regular dish they remember it pretty quickly. People at conferences immediately recognize me, even if I don’t wear a nametag and we haven’t met in person before. Random passers-by on the street regularly compliment my outfit. People dress up as me for Halloween.
But more importantly than any of that, my clothes immediately communicate a vibe about what kind of social role I’m playing.
Almost everyones’ clothes communicate that they’re role-playing an NPC; they’re wearing things which extras with no lines would wear in the background in a movie. The things I wear look like, at minimum, a named character. So people intuitively expect that I will act like a named character—that I will have crazy plans and sometimes even be able to pull them off, that I somehow know things ordinary mortals don’t know or can do things ordinary mortals can’t do, that I can get away with saying things most people wouldn’t say, etc. So they’re less likely to push back on that sort of stuff, and more likely to roll (role?) with it.
One thing this all means for you: you probably haven’t tested an extreme enough intervention to notice significant results.
they’re wearing things which extras with no lines would wear in the background in a movie. The things I wear look like, at minimum, a named character.
This is true.
The first time I mentioned “John Wentworth” to someone at Lighthaven, they asked me: “who’s that?” I said, “you’ve seen him around, he’s that guy who looks like The Blues Brothers.” “Oh.”
Though be aware that this comes with social costs. You get classified as weird, which means you lose out on a bunch of “normal” opportunities, but in exchange get to do a lot of stuff which “normal” people can’t. Depending on your values, this is often a very favorable deal, just one you should know about.
I also have A Look (though much more on the hobo side of things than John), which grants me a “wise hermit” kind of vibe where people will ask me for information about the world and respect my ideas, but I’m viewed as low status by “corporate type people” (for lack of a better description) and am initially viewed as unattractive by women (this is later counteracted somewhat by the status effects of seeming wise).
This can be done in a way which doesn’t cost significant weirdness points.
The key, I think, is to include a lot of coolness in whatever you’re signalling. Being “cool” is largely about embracing countersignalling in all its glory; coolness and conformity are strongly opposed. Being cool is the main way I know of that one can be very nonnormal/nonconformist without paying lots of weirdness points and seeming low status.
Do you have specific advice on how to develop or select said style? So far, I’m just wearing jeans and t-shirts most of the time and have been most of my life. After reading this I tried to find inspiration but after my (admittedly limited) search, most looked like a model wearing normal street clothes, a very WASPy outfit, or just weird in the wrong direction/not my style.
I have a friend with an impressively massive beard, which he’s frequently complimented for. However, two separate women have indicated to me in private that they find the beard unattractive. This, together with other personal experiences, leads me to believe that number of compliments can be a misleading metric for looking good.
Specifically, I think standing out will give me more compliments, pretty much independently of whether it improves my attractiveness, and it will be hard to tell if I’m actually becoming less attractive. I’m therefore focusing mostly on (b).
I personally often visually react to someone’s appearance changing without meaning to (e.g. “wow, you got a haircut!”) then feel pressured to compliment it to make the situation less awkward. I expect a lot of other people do this. And basically no one will come up to you and, without prompting critique your appearance. So you will get very positive-slanted feedback when it’s unsolicited (and probably when it’s solicited too).
When it comes to appearance, the large majority of people look generic and unremarkable. In order to capture significant benefits from appearance, the main problem is to (a) be noticeable at all, and (b) not in a “wow that guy looks noticeably terrible” sort of way (like e.g. a hobo).
I personally have A Look. Waitstaff at restaurants recognize me the second time I go, and if I have a regular dish they remember it pretty quickly. People at conferences immediately recognize me, even if I don’t wear a nametag and we haven’t met in person before. Random passers-by on the street regularly compliment my outfit. People dress up as me for Halloween.
But more importantly than any of that, my clothes immediately communicate a vibe about what kind of social role I’m playing.
Almost everyones’ clothes communicate that they’re role-playing an NPC; they’re wearing things which extras with no lines would wear in the background in a movie. The things I wear look like, at minimum, a named character. So people intuitively expect that I will act like a named character—that I will have crazy plans and sometimes even be able to pull them off, that I somehow know things ordinary mortals don’t know or can do things ordinary mortals can’t do, that I can get away with saying things most people wouldn’t say, etc. So they’re less likely to push back on that sort of stuff, and more likely to roll (role?) with it.
One thing this all means for you: you probably haven’t tested an extreme enough intervention to notice significant results.
This is true.
The first time I mentioned “John Wentworth” to someone at Lighthaven, they asked me: “who’s that?” I said, “you’ve seen him around, he’s that guy who looks like The Blues Brothers.” “Oh.”
Though be aware that this comes with social costs. You get classified as weird, which means you lose out on a bunch of “normal” opportunities, but in exchange get to do a lot of stuff which “normal” people can’t. Depending on your values, this is often a very favorable deal, just one you should know about.
I also have A Look (though much more on the hobo side of things than John), which grants me a “wise hermit” kind of vibe where people will ask me for information about the world and respect my ideas, but I’m viewed as low status by “corporate type people” (for lack of a better description) and am initially viewed as unattractive by women (this is later counteracted somewhat by the status effects of seeming wise).
This can be done in a way which doesn’t cost significant weirdness points.
The key, I think, is to include a lot of coolness in whatever you’re signalling. Being “cool” is largely about embracing countersignalling in all its glory; coolness and conformity are strongly opposed. Being cool is the main way I know of that one can be very nonnormal/nonconformist without paying lots of weirdness points and seeming low status.
Do you have specific advice on how to develop or select said style? So far, I’m just wearing jeans and t-shirts most of the time and have been most of my life. After reading this I tried to find inspiration but after my (admittedly limited) search, most looked like a model wearing normal street clothes, a very WASPy outfit, or just weird in the wrong direction/not my style.
I’d start by looking at some fictional characters or musicians for inspiration.
Personally, I ended up with my current look over many little steps, but I don’t necessarily think that’s the best way to do it.
I have a friend with an impressively massive beard, which he’s frequently complimented for. However, two separate women have indicated to me in private that they find the beard unattractive. This, together with other personal experiences, leads me to believe that number of compliments can be a misleading metric for looking good.
Specifically, I think standing out will give me more compliments, pretty much independently of whether it improves my attractiveness, and it will be hard to tell if I’m actually becoming less attractive. I’m therefore focusing mostly on (b).
I personally often visually react to someone’s appearance changing without meaning to (e.g. “wow, you got a haircut!”) then feel pressured to compliment it to make the situation less awkward. I expect a lot of other people do this. And basically no one will come up to you and, without prompting critique your appearance. So you will get very positive-slanted feedback when it’s unsolicited (and probably when it’s solicited too).