I say all of this as though it’s indeed “very uncommon” to feel strongly hurt and lastingly affected by particularly harsh criticism. I don’t even necessarily think that this is the case: If the criticism comes from a person with high standing in a community one cares about, it seems like a potentially quite common reaction?
This is relevant context for my strong reaction. I used to admire Nate, and so I was particularly upset when he treated me disrespectfully. (The experience wasn’t so much “criticism” as “aggression and meanness”, though.)
FWIW, I also reject the framing that this situation is reasonably understood as an issue with my own instrumental rationality.
Going back to the broader point about incentives, it’s not very rewarding to publicly share a distressing experience and thereby allow thousands of internet strangers to judge my fortitude, and complain if they think it lacking. I’m not walking away from this experience feeling lavished and reinforced for having experienced an emotional reaction.
Furthermore, the reason I spoke up was mostly not to litigate my own experience. It’s because I’ve spent months witnessing my friends take unexpected damage from a powerful individual who appears to have faced basically no consequences for his behavior.
This is relevant context for my strong reaction. I used to admire Nate, and so I was particularly upset when he treated me disrespectfully. (The experience wasn’t so much “criticism” as “aggression and meanness”, though.)
FWIW, I also reject the framing that this situation is reasonably understood as an issue with my own instrumental rationality.
Going back to the broader point about incentives, it’s not very rewarding to publicly share a distressing experience and thereby allow thousands of internet strangers to judge my fortitude, and complain if they think it lacking. I’m not walking away from this experience feeling lavished and reinforced for having experienced an emotional reaction.
Furthermore, the reason I spoke up was mostly not to litigate my own experience. It’s because I’ve spent months witnessing my friends take unexpected damage from a powerful individual who appears to have faced basically no consequences for his behavior.