Also, as far as I can tell, all the benefits of prayer came from really believing in an all-knowing, all-loving personal God.
The first kind of prayer you listed was prayers of gratitude. Gratitude journaling seems to be very similar and produce benefits without acknowledging a God.
The same goes for many kind of gratitude meditation.
When it comes to asking for redemption, you can do focusing with the feelings surrounding the action you feel bad about. You can also do various kinds of parts therapy where you speak to a specific part of your subconscious and ask it what you have to do to make up.
I know about gratitude journaling. I actually suggested my mom do at bedtime it with my youngest sister when it seemed like she might be getting spoiled and grumpy, and it’s worked really well. It’s a great tool, I just don’t think it would yield any additional benefits for me, since luckily, I tend to think about things I’m happy/grateful about all day long. Those prayers were spontaneous; it’s not like I said “ok, now I’m going to sit down and think of things to thank God for.” The only difference after deconverting, when these prayers still came instinctually, was that I couldn’t say “thanks God” anymore… it’s hard to explain, but “thanks universe” just isn’t the same.
Anyway, I’ve come to realize that with many of the things I’m thankful for, I can redirect the thoughts of gratitude toward people in my life. For example, instead of thanking God for the ability to run and for the enjoyment I get out of it, I can think fondly of my parents for sacrificing to send me to a Lutheran high school (which I otherwise might have considered a sad waste of their tight budget) that happened to have a great team and really knowledgeable, experienced, motivating coaches, since if I’d never gone there, I probably would have never come to love running the way I do now. Instead of thanking God for giving me such a great job, I can redirect my gratitude toward my friend’s dad, who was into economics and lent me books that made me aware enough of the sunk cost fallacy to quit my old one after only two weeks and move across the country.
As for asking for redemption, I’m pretty good at apologizing, and people I know are pretty good at forgiveness. It’s hard to explain feeling loved in a truly unconditional way, but it was more of a bonus than anything. On a scale of 1-100, I miss this about a 5.
Your tips are good, and I would recommend them to others, but personally, I think that all I’ll need is the time to gradually readjust.
The only difference after deconverting, when these prayers still came instinctually, was that I couldn’t say “thanks God” anymore… it’s hard to explain, but “thanks universe” just isn’t the same.
You had a ritual and conditioned yourself to feel good whenever you say “thanks God”. You don’t have that conditioning for the phrase “thanks universe”.
Your tips are good, and I would recommend them to others, but personally, I think that all I’ll need is the time to gradually readjust.
Yes, time solves a lot. If you still feel there something missing however, there are way to patch all the holes.
You had a ritual and conditioned yourself to feel good whenever you say “thanks God”. You don’t have that conditioning for the phrase “thanks universe”.
Do you come from a Christian background? Have you ever really, truly, trustingly believed? I mean, you may be right that it’s just conditioning, and I’m sure that’s at least part of it. But you don’t think believing you’re special/loved as an individual, part of someone’s incomprehensible but perfect plan, could have any kind of special effect?
No, but I have seen a lot of different mental interventions. There are a lot of different ways to get to certain effects. Effects feel only special if you know just one way to get to the effect.
I have seen people cry because of the beauty of life without them being on drugs or any religion being involved.
Believing that one is loved is certainly useful but the core belief is not “I’m loved by God” but the generalized “I’m loved”. Children learn “I’m loved” or “I’m not loved” when they are very little based on the experiences with their parents.
As they grow older they then apply that belief in multiple situations. A Christian will feel deeply loved by God or he might be afraid of God.
If you deeply feel loved by God you shouldn’t have a problem to feel deeply loved by your friends because it’s the same core belief. You still have the same fun with your old Christian friends and family and feel that they are understanding where you are coming from.
Your belief might in “I’m loved” might be a bit shaken, but I think the core will still be intact.
The first kind of prayer you listed was prayers of gratitude. Gratitude journaling seems to be very similar and produce benefits without acknowledging a God. The same goes for many kind of gratitude meditation.
When it comes to asking for redemption, you can do focusing with the feelings surrounding the action you feel bad about. You can also do various kinds of parts therapy where you speak to a specific part of your subconscious and ask it what you have to do to make up.
Thanks!
I know about gratitude journaling. I actually suggested my mom do at bedtime it with my youngest sister when it seemed like she might be getting spoiled and grumpy, and it’s worked really well. It’s a great tool, I just don’t think it would yield any additional benefits for me, since luckily, I tend to think about things I’m happy/grateful about all day long. Those prayers were spontaneous; it’s not like I said “ok, now I’m going to sit down and think of things to thank God for.” The only difference after deconverting, when these prayers still came instinctually, was that I couldn’t say “thanks God” anymore… it’s hard to explain, but “thanks universe” just isn’t the same.
Anyway, I’ve come to realize that with many of the things I’m thankful for, I can redirect the thoughts of gratitude toward people in my life. For example, instead of thanking God for the ability to run and for the enjoyment I get out of it, I can think fondly of my parents for sacrificing to send me to a Lutheran high school (which I otherwise might have considered a sad waste of their tight budget) that happened to have a great team and really knowledgeable, experienced, motivating coaches, since if I’d never gone there, I probably would have never come to love running the way I do now. Instead of thanking God for giving me such a great job, I can redirect my gratitude toward my friend’s dad, who was into economics and lent me books that made me aware enough of the sunk cost fallacy to quit my old one after only two weeks and move across the country.
As for asking for redemption, I’m pretty good at apologizing, and people I know are pretty good at forgiveness. It’s hard to explain feeling loved in a truly unconditional way, but it was more of a bonus than anything. On a scale of 1-100, I miss this about a 5.
Your tips are good, and I would recommend them to others, but personally, I think that all I’ll need is the time to gradually readjust.
You had a ritual and conditioned yourself to feel good whenever you say “thanks God”. You don’t have that conditioning for the phrase “thanks universe”.
Yes, time solves a lot. If you still feel there something missing however, there are way to patch all the holes.
Do you come from a Christian background? Have you ever really, truly, trustingly believed? I mean, you may be right that it’s just conditioning, and I’m sure that’s at least part of it. But you don’t think believing you’re special/loved as an individual, part of someone’s incomprehensible but perfect plan, could have any kind of special effect?
No, but I have seen a lot of different mental interventions. There are a lot of different ways to get to certain effects. Effects feel only special if you know just one way to get to the effect. I have seen people cry because of the beauty of life without them being on drugs or any religion being involved.
Believing that one is loved is certainly useful but the core belief is not “I’m loved by God” but the generalized “I’m loved”. Children learn “I’m loved” or “I’m not loved” when they are very little based on the experiences with their parents. As they grow older they then apply that belief in multiple situations. A Christian will feel deeply loved by God or he might be afraid of God.
If you deeply feel loved by God you shouldn’t have a problem to feel deeply loved by your friends because it’s the same core belief. You still have the same fun with your old Christian friends and family and feel that they are understanding where you are coming from.
Your belief might in “I’m loved” might be a bit shaken, but I think the core will still be intact.