I have definitely multiple times had the thought, “I don’t have a problem with X!” Only to later realize that I was subconsciously structuring my life so that I would never encounter X. That means if I do encounter X, I might be unprepared and have a bad time.
I think this is very common. It’s like not noticing you have a hurt muscle, by subconsciously compensating with the other ones. That’s fine until you end up painfully contorted and some muscle somewhere finally sends a strong signal to make you unambiguously aware of the situation.
It’s one of the patterns mentioned in “Games People Play”. For example, a socially shy woman could marry a controlling man who will keep her at home. Then it becomes “I don’t have a problem with social situations, actually I would love to have a party, but… you know my husband”.
I have definitely multiple times had the thought, “I don’t have a problem with X!” Only to later realize that I was subconsciously structuring my life so that I would never encounter X. That means if I do encounter X, I might be unprepared and have a bad time.
I think this is very common. It’s like not noticing you have a hurt muscle, by subconsciously compensating with the other ones. That’s fine until you end up painfully contorted and some muscle somewhere finally sends a strong signal to make you unambiguously aware of the situation.
It’s one of the patterns mentioned in “Games People Play”. For example, a socially shy woman could marry a controlling man who will keep her at home. Then it becomes “I don’t have a problem with social situations, actually I would love to have a party, but… you know my husband”.