we can also add a 5th distinction, Instruction—in a situation where it’s expected that one person will tell the other what to do and the other will follow, but without negative consequences if they don’t (as with commands). common in teaching and training situations.Instructions aren’t always appropriate. for example, if I’m cooking in a way i like and someone gives me unsolicited instructions i would be annoyed.
Also i would sharpen the definition of ‘command’. many times when people demand something their response if you don’t fulfill the demand is akin to punishment. but i still wouldn’t call it a command. i think a command makes sense only from an authority figure in a situation where it’s agreed they have authority over you (it can be that you personally don’t agree but society decided they do).I guess it’s also possible for someone to give a command where they don’t have the authority to, and that probably wouldn’t be taken well.
I think instructions can be either invitations, requests or demands. In the case of cooking instructions, in many cases the annoyence will be driven by it being unclear whether or not the instruction was an invitation, request or demand.
When holding a rationality meetup and having a pair exercise, giving the instructions as an invitation can be helpful. It gives the pair the freedom to take another approach then the one I proposed to solve a problem when another approach seems to be better for the problem.
If my goal is to actually teach a specific mechanism I might request that the mechanism is used.
If a person constantly interupts me during my explanation of an exercise I might demand that they are silent.