I think of it now as the result of the failure to maintain a shared sufficient intentional conscious effort to the relationship by each partner.
The infatuation wears off. Felt affection isn’t always consistent—there are mornings when you wake up and don’t even like the person lying next to you, let alone feel in love with them.
Yet, you keep putting effort into love. Into being creative and helpful and courteous, etc. When that stops, there is the possibility for the relationship to wither.
In that sense, I don’t really think about “falling out of love” in the same way anymore. I still have a sense of worry about what that might feel like. But as I get older, I’m more aware of how fickle feelings can be. I’m aware love has a lot to do with choice.
The other thing is this: There is some huge chunk of the “successful” relationships out there that are functioning nowhere near what you would see as successful. Just because two people share a mortgage and have kids doesn’t mean they are fulfilled or happy.
I think of it now as the result of the failure to maintain a shared sufficient intentional conscious effort to the relationship by each partner.
The infatuation wears off. Felt affection isn’t always consistent—there are mornings when you wake up and don’t even like the person lying next to you, let alone feel in love with them.
Yet, you keep putting effort into love. Into being creative and helpful and courteous, etc. When that stops, there is the possibility for the relationship to wither.
In that sense, I don’t really think about “falling out of love” in the same way anymore. I still have a sense of worry about what that might feel like. But as I get older, I’m more aware of how fickle feelings can be. I’m aware love has a lot to do with choice.
The other thing is this: There is some huge chunk of the “successful” relationships out there that are functioning nowhere near what you would see as successful. Just because two people share a mortgage and have kids doesn’t mean they are fulfilled or happy.