Secure feels like the wrong word here. Often, I am reluctant to set a boundary because this will, in fact, lead to an outcome I don’t want, eg the other person not being helped, or being sad. I’m bad at comparing this to the harms to me, but sometimes it’s the right trade! A perfectly secure version of me would feel the same way, since they would also care about the welfare of other people.
Is your claim that security means saying yes to things if and only if it’s a good idea according to the total value between you two? Rather than making trades that are actually bad because you underweight your own welfare? I got the impression from this post that your take was more “just don’t do things if you don’t want to” but maybe you’re just skipping over the times when you think through consequences and convince yourself that they’re legit?
Secure feels like the wrong word here. Often, I am reluctant to set a boundary because this will, in fact, lead to an outcome I don’t want, eg the other person not being helped, or being sad. I’m bad at comparing this to the harms to me, but sometimes it’s the right trade! A perfectly secure version of me would feel the same way, since they would also care about the welfare of other people.
Is your claim that security means saying yes to things if and only if it’s a good idea according to the total value between you two? Rather than making trades that are actually bad because you underweight your own welfare? I got the impression from this post that your take was more “just don’t do things if you don’t want to” but maybe you’re just skipping over the times when you think through consequences and convince yourself that they’re legit?
Which line(s) are you referring to? This word isn’t central in the post so I’m confused.
Reiterating the main idea:
Ah, I was anchored by it being in all caps in the tweet at the top
Makes sense, that’s why I wrote post to expand
But it’s right in the tweet? The one that your post opens with? It’s in there twice in the space of two sentences.