Another thing this reminds me of: some years ago, I sometimes wondered about how many people out there would be forever alone, never finding a partner/marriage/starting a family even though they’d want to. Reassuringly, I got the impression that practically every “older” person I encountered (say people in their 40s and 50s) was married. So, even though closer to my age range there were many people who were unhappily single, it certainly looked as if life would find a way to get everyone a partner over time.
At some point I then had the unfortunate realization that lonely people may just have fewer social contacts in general[1], and a bias towards the types of social contacts that make them invisible to some random young guy like me. So now I feel less hopeful about society, knowing/assuming that there must be some not so small percentage of people in any age range who just never found anyone to spend their life with.
where I assume causality goes in both directions, 1) people with less social exposure are less likely to find a partner to begin with, and 2) having a partner naturally exposes you to more opportunities to go out and spend time with people, as you’ll do many things as a couple rather than individually. And there may well be an effect of being alone for a long time against your will reducing your motivation to go out to begin with.
I hope you find someone! Remember not to just mindlessly write “I’m lonely and don’t make connections” into your self-image. Write it if you want to write it, of course, but don’t do it mindlessly. Alternatively, write “I’m personable and I do make connections” instead, or “I’m exploring and I’m keeping my eyes peeled for connections”. And remember to be appropriately skeptical of this “knowing/assuming” business… those are really two very different verbs, and it’d be silly to write anything unhappy into your self image on the basis of a proposition that you didn’t even decide whether you know it or assume it. Good luck!
Another thing this reminds me of: some years ago, I sometimes wondered about how many people out there would be forever alone, never finding a partner/marriage/starting a family even though they’d want to. Reassuringly, I got the impression that practically every “older” person I encountered (say people in their 40s and 50s) was married. So, even though closer to my age range there were many people who were unhappily single, it certainly looked as if life would find a way to get everyone a partner over time.
At some point I then had the unfortunate realization that lonely people may just have fewer social contacts in general[1], and a bias towards the types of social contacts that make them invisible to some random young guy like me. So now I feel less hopeful about society, knowing/assuming that there must be some not so small percentage of people in any age range who just never found anyone to spend their life with.
where I assume causality goes in both directions, 1) people with less social exposure are less likely to find a partner to begin with, and 2) having a partner naturally exposes you to more opportunities to go out and spend time with people, as you’ll do many things as a couple rather than individually. And there may well be an effect of being alone for a long time against your will reducing your motivation to go out to begin with.
I hope you find someone! Remember not to just mindlessly write “I’m lonely and don’t make connections” into your self-image. Write it if you want to write it, of course, but don’t do it mindlessly. Alternatively, write “I’m personable and I do make connections” instead, or “I’m exploring and I’m keeping my eyes peeled for connections”. And remember to be appropriately skeptical of this “knowing/assuming” business… those are really two very different verbs, and it’d be silly to write anything unhappy into your self image on the basis of a proposition that you didn’t even decide whether you know it or assume it. Good luck!