Environment matters a lot. Bars (for example) are loud, dark, sometimes crowded, and filled with inebriated people.
I CANNOT STRESS THIS POINT ENOUGH:
Thinking in terms of “picking up women” is the first problem. One should take the approach that they are “MEETING women”. The conceptual framing is important here because it will influence intentionality and outcome.
A “meeting” mindset implies equal footing and good intentions, which should be the foundation for any kind of positive human interaction. Many women are turned off by the sense that they are speaking to a man who wants to “pick them up”, perhaps sensing that you are nervous about adding them to your dating resume. It’s hard to relate to that.
Isn’t the goal to engage romantically with a peer, maybe learn something about relationships.
With that little rant out of the way, I think its important to think of where you are best able to have a relaxed and genuine conversation—even with a friend.
If you see a woman at the bar that is especially attractive and worthy of YOUR attention, perhaps admit to her candidly that the location is not your milieu and ask inquisitively if she normally has good conversations at bars. If she says yes and stops at that, chances are she’s not interested in talking more with you or simply is not a good conversationalist.
I really like the way you phrased “meta-suffering” as a term for the many cognitive self-defeating cognitions. The “rumination” symptom commonly observed in people with mood and anxiety disorders (a.k.a “dwelling”) seems to be a related condition. Some Buddhists call it addiction, or attachment, to suffering.
The diathesis-stress model is a my favorite way to analyze to mental illness, including depression. In other words, I think depression is a heritable, biological phenomenon and the correlated cognitive biases create a feedback cycle—especially when you factor in the influence of environment and life experience. The cognitive biases on their own aren’t enough to cause a depressive episode, and a depressed person may not hold these same biases when their condition subsides for a period.
That being said, cognitive biases accompanying depression have been studied quite a bit. This would save you the trouble of going through an IRB to create your own study, Shannon ; ) You could always do a meta-analysis, though!
Based on Beck’s Cognitive Model, 6 primary biases emerge in depression/cognition literature.
These constructs are not definitive, as there are many theoretical models even within cognitive psych. Meta-suffering could incorporate many of these biases.
(please excuse the examples, some of them were taken directly from articles and others were re-worded to make more sense—at least to me)
A) ARBITRARY INFERENCE Drawing specific conclusions in the absence of relevant evidence (i.e. “The bus driver was driving like that because he’s taking drugs”.)
B) SELECTIVE ABSTRACTION Drawing conclusions on the basis of isolated details of an event, even if it requires ignoring other contradictory evidence. (i.e “She said she had a really good time, but didn’t like the gift I got her. She won’t to go out with me again”)
c) OVERGENERALIZATION Holding extreme beliefs based on a specific event and inappropriately applying them to dissimilar occasions or settings. (*i.e ” He was scared by that lizard. He must be afraid of animals.”)
d) MAGNIFICATION Overestimation of the significance of events (i.e. A friend of mine got robbed, this world is a dangerous place).
e) PERSONALIZATION Relating events to oneself despite their being no apparent connection (i.e He got into a car accident last week. It’s my fault I didn’t come over to hang out with him that night.)
f) DICHOTOMOUS THINKING Thinking in all-or-nothing terms, categorizing experiences only in one of two extremes rather than acknowledging grey areas. ( i.e ” I don’t play sports with my kid. I’m a terrible parent.”)
---- some of the above was taken from the articles cited below. for a more complete review of cognitive therapy for depression, check out the work of Aaron Beck.
White J, Davison GC, Haaga DA, White K. (1991) Cognitive bias in the articulated thoughts of depressed and nondepressed psychiatric patients. Journal of Mental and Nervous Disease, 180, 77-81
Krantz SE, Gallagher-Thompson D (1990) Depression and information valence influence depressive cognition. Cognitive Therapy Research14,95-108.
Beck AT (1987) Cognitive models of depression. Journal of Cognitive Psychotherapy 1, 5-37.