I love this story! It really strikes something deep inside of me...
Warning: I haven’t neither read all of the sequences nor do i have any experience in writing. Since this is the first thing i ever write on lesswrong it may not meet the high standards of this board, so feel free to downvote/ignore this (but please don’t delete it unless i really violated community rules somehow).
I am currently trying to work my way out of a depressive episode. Basically i am stuck in a loop of:
trying to do X,
getting overwhelmed by feelings i can’t even describe,
resorting to play some ancient flashgames i found on steam until i feel better, then
repeat.
Physical activity, healthy eating, vitamins, sunlight, a mix of stimulants and antidepressants and professional counseling all seem to help a bit but not enough to get me out of that funk. I live with friends and have parents that support me financially (which i hate to be reliant upon).
I identify with Susan in this episode since gaming basically does the same thing for me. I get hooked on games so intensly that i enter a state of mind where the feeling of hunger, thirst or sleepiness hardly registers and i certainly don’t act upon it except it gets so intense that it interferes with the game. Gaming for me is a time machine i use to skip the times when my emotions would otherwise hurt me. When i stop the game i hardly remember anything from the time i spent in that state, except that i just spent half a day pushing bits around and got nothing done.
Just like Susan i try to erase things from my life.
Just like her i am stuck in a bad loop.
Just like her i realize that.
Other than her i didn’t make the conscious decision to be here.
Other than her i try to get out.
Other than her i have limited time left in my life.
So what would be the way out? This story made clear to me that suffering is a part of life. Susan is stuck because she doesn’t realize that. But am I? I am acutely aware that life is pain. I tried to do stuff that makes me get out of that loop (see listing above) but I feel like i am.… doing it wrong somehow? What am i missing?
That was just a genious move there. It shows how little relevance Jane’s past crimes have, relative to other things in her life. All in one sentence.
Also i laughed hard at this.