This sounds extremely relatable! I think what works for me when I have a fear of adopting a fake belief about who I am as a person, is that personalities are very arbitrary and fake in their nature (as in, there is no objective list of traits you objectively have, you just have a list of reactions you would have to different impulses) and so if some belief passes the “self Turing test” (me believing it is true), then it is just as real and good as any other belief I have about myself.
Unless there is something really wrong going on with my perception and my brain is actually malfunctioning and 60% of my beliefs are actually fake and no one is telling me anything because the malfunctioning can hide itself so well… Madoka save our anxious souls.
Not in the US and have no friends in the rationalist community, but I would consider moving to Bay (in some years) just for the sake of living in such a baugruppe