I find a similar strategy useful when I am trying to argue my point to a stubborn friend. I ask them, “What would I have to prove in order for you to change your mind?” If they answer “nothing” you know they are probably not truth-seekers.
pwno
Why is frame control central to this post? While it explains frame control well, the focus seems to be about people consciously/unconsciously harmfully manipulating one another. How to avoid being manipulated, gaslighted, deceived, etc is an important topic to discuss and a valuable skill to have. And this post offers good advice on it (whether or not it intended to). But it could’ve done so without bringing up the concept of frame control.
Why didn’t you mention any advice on status signaling?
Explaining her flaws in such a scientific, matter-of-fact way shows how emotionally distant he was. She probably felt like the guy she loved just dropped off an eviction notice.
Many people have the same experience. You’ve landed the right mindset for a brief time and your outer game improved.
I believe the mindset is mostly a function of personal expectations about your interactions with women. When you expect the interactions to go towards your desired direction, you’re more likely to hit the mindset. Problem is, you can’t make yourself expect positive results just like you can’t make yourself expect coldness when you touch fire.
The most straightforward technique to “switching” this mindset on is to prove to yourself, on a conscious and subconscious level, that you should expect positive results. Gather your evidence, by achieving easier, related goals. For example, if you’re in a nightclub and not in you preferred mindset, try achieving the following:
Ask 5 people for a piece of gum or the time.
Introduce yourself to other men or women you’re not interested in
Ask a good looking female friend to join you
Call up a female friend and have a chat
Make and hold eye contact with 5 girls (without approaching)
You can probably come up with small goals yourself too.
This post is good advice for a dating site where all the users are approximately equal in physical attractiveness and status level. Otherwise, most the information becomes irrelevant once your profile readers determine your desirability levels are unmatched. For instance, men wouldn’t even read your profile if they think they can get a better looking woman. And I’ve seen women go through profiles only paying attention to job, pictures and height.
More important information for these profiles is status and physical attractiveness orienting information. Finding a match at this level is enough for most people (I’d guess 90%) to message the other person.
Maybe the reason why so many startups fail is that people are prone to have irrational beliefs about business ideas. This causes many entrepreneurs to pursue bad investments or irrational business practices.
More relevant to the discussion topic, consider these questions:
Some beliefs have the tendency to be self-fulfilling prophecies, but is it irrational to have these beliefs? Is self-deception necessary for the “self-fulfilling” property to work? Can we, say, have a positive outlook on life while having rational expectations at the same time?
I always made a distinction between rationality and truth-seeking. Rationality is only intelligible when in the context of a goal (whether that goal be rational or irrational). Now, if one acts rationally, given their information set, will chose the best plan-of-action towards succeeding their goal. Part of being rational is knowing which goals will maximize their utility function.
My definition of truth-seeking is basically Robin’s definition of “rational.” I find it hard to imagine a time where truth-seeking is incompatible with acting rationally (the way I defined it). Can anyone think of an example?
Don’t you think it’s still useful to find contradictions within the religious framework in order to convince theists they are wrong? I know some converts who converted because the bible just “didn’t make sense” and contained too many contradictions. Some people even convert to religion because the bible (or whatever holy text) “made so much sense.” They think, “Well, I agree with Y, and since X implies Y, I will now believe X.”
The government picks arbitrary ages for when an individual has the mental capacity to make certain decisions, like drinking alcohol or having sex. But not everyone mentally matures at the same rate. It’d be nice to have an institution that allows minors with good backgrounds and who pass certain intelligence/rationality tests to be exempt from these laws.
I recently launched a new service called Hermes. It connects users with dating experts for live texting advice. It runs on a unique platform designed to greatly simplify sharing and discussing text conversations. Since modern dating is changing so rapidly, especially with the rise of online dating apps and a growing population of young people glued to their phones, helping people improve their texting can greatly improve their dating life. I’ve been a software developer and dating coach for over 10 years so this is sort of my passion project.
I’d be happy to get some trial users. General feedback is greatly appreciated too.
Depends what you mean by “have no business giving advice.”
Not all advice without evidence is bad advice. There are heuristics we use to figure out which unsupported advice is better than others. Based on some people’s heuristics, like Vladamir_M’s, my unsupported advice would more likely lead to better results (assuming all else equal).
My biggest advantage from switching to a multiple selves perspective: Being more accepting of seemingly ignoble desires affecting my behavior.
Gotta please all my “selves”, even if I am not proud of them, but simultaneously not let them define who I am.
2.It is important for same-sex status games for women especially.
Agreed. I think that wanting to look more physically attractive than other women is similar behavior to men wanting to dominate each other (AMOG, in PUA term). Both behaviors continue after marriage.
Almost everything we do is partially influenced by status-seeking.
Agreed and added a link with a resource I found with a few minutes of googling.
I am not convinced that it’s easy, or even really possible, to change from one thinking style to the other. Everything else I’ve read suggests this sort of cognitive leaning is largely innate.
I too think it’s uncommon to completely change thinking styles, but I do believe it’s possible to improve the weaker one. I also suspect one thinking style struggles more to develop the weaker thinking style, but don’t know which one.
Do you have anything other than your own experience to suggest otherwise?
Being around many people who are into self-development, I often see logical thinkers being more intuitive and vice versa. No one makes a complete 180, but incremental improvements are common.
I am having some difficulty understand the “Ignoring your emotions” section, much less seeing the use of “fixing” this “failing”
The idea is that feeding emotional data to your intuition can help you better understand your own preferences, understand why you experience certain emotions, and how to illicit certain emotions in yourself and others. If you’re not an emotional person, this is probably not a big concern.
Sure, it may have had a small (overstatement) effect, but it was worth it.
“Hahh, not at all. If you think that getting all bored and unneeded is bad, then it is a real preference inside your head. It’ll be taken into account by the AI, and it will make sure it’ll not pamper you excessively.”
But wouldn’t the knowledge that the AI could potentially do your work be psychologically harmful?
I did a similar experiment on myself when I went on an organized trip to Israel. When we stopped at the Whaling (Western) Wall, I decided to test out my rationality. As you know, you’re suppose to write down a wish on a piece of paper and put it in the wall i.e. another way of praying. I decided to write down “I wish my family would die in 2 weeks,” and put it in the wall to see if I can do it.
To my surprise, I did feel a bit weird, a little anxious, but after a while I was fine. It is hard to overcome the emotions induced by our biases, but can be done with practice.
Just curious, would anyone not write the note (that I wrote)? Assuming you’d be compensated for your effort to write it and put it in the wall.