I’ve been curious throughout all of this whether it is tickling anyone’s spider-senses around inner alignment problems being involved—vs just plain misalignment. Especially with the increasing amount of RL being used.
I also have this in the back of my mind while I’m asking, since it touches on the lack of reliable alignment evidence in production.
I have developed banter that seems to help with situations like this—particularly with people I know, who tend to trust that I’m being honest about my internals.
“Hey, I’d love to pay for this for you because [reasons], and I also get that people can have all kinds of feelings about those kinds of offers and they’re all valid—so I’ll happily take a “no” and will be 100% fine with that”.
It seems about a third of my friends take the out. About of a third of my friends try to pay me back, but less in a transactional way and more because they vibe with [reasons] and are now chasing that. Around 5% of people who are new to me seem a little rattled by some cheerful random person sharing feeling and motivation stuff out of the blue, but they move on from that pretty quickly.
My default when I notice things like your examples is to tinker—to try to get something that is better than the default for the people involved. I’m curious about what other people do with these realisations.