Cayenne

• CayenneMay 1, 2011, 6:21 AM

  1 point

  in reply to: wedrifid’s comment on: Miti­gat­ing So­cial Awkwardness

  Soap is more necessary than you may think, as it can remove layers of oil and allow the deodorant to function more effectively. Also, body oils go rancid after a while, and some people are much more sensitive to that than others.

• CayenneMay 1, 2011, 6:12 AM

  3 points

  in reply to: wedrifid’s comment on: Miti­gat­ing So­cial Awkwardness

  I use the attitude you’re talking about, call it forthrightness, as a filter to find people that I might want to be friends with. Anyone that stays in my personal sphere is someone I do not have to worry about offending when I want to relax. It has led me to be rather abrasive, I suspect, but also comfortable.

  To be clear, I’m talking about opinions and preferences here, not body language or the social norms that regulate groups. I think of someone that pretends to have an opinion/​preference that they don’t have naturally as wearing a mask of sorts. I don’t like masks.

  This is why I don’t like the manipulative tactics of pick-up artistry. There is a distinct difference between someone trying to become more able socially, and someone that tries to mirror your beliefs, preferences, and opinions in order to manipulate you. Learning to express yourself doesn’t repel me the way masks and PUA do.

  What links here?

  • XFrequentist's comment on Miti­gat­ing So­cial Awkwardness by Cayenne (May 1, 2011, 4:41 PM; 2 points)

• CayenneMay 1, 2011, 4:47 AM

  4 points

  in reply to: wedrifid’s comment on: Miti­gat­ing So­cial Awkwardness

  You do, that’s who. If that person is your boss or a colleague you must work with, you must overcome that attitude or fail.

• CayenneMay 1, 2011, 2:41 AM

  4 points

  in reply to: Alicorn’s comment on: Miti­gat­ing So­cial Awkwardness

  Try instead to ‘ping’ the other person. Once you’ve communicated a concept, ask “does that make sense?” or something similar, and see what they say. (This also has a way of forcing people to pay closer attention to you, since passive listening may not be enough… I have this habit. Is it Dark Arts?)

• CayenneMay 1, 2011, 2:32 AM

  2 points

  in reply to: sketerpot’s comment on: Miti­gat­ing So­cial Awkwardness

  Text is nice, but missing subtext can leave people with very different impressions of what you meant than you think. The amount that tone, volume, emphasis, gestures, posture, speed of speech and body language matter is hard to understate.

  If you can’t provide those cues, then other environmental cues may overwrite the feel of your text.

• CayenneMay 1, 2011, 2:27 AM

  1 point

  in reply to: wilkox’s comment on: Miti­gat­ing So­cial Awkwardness

  Oh, yes. Smile, but do not actually laugh. I’m sorry, I missed that earlier.

• CayenneMay 1, 2011, 2:24 AM

  3 points

  in reply to: Vladimir_Nesov’s comment on: Miti­gat­ing So­cial Awkwardness

  Not at all. I don’t like the article editor much, and I was mostly concentrating on getting out the ideas.

• CayenneMay 1, 2011, 1:48 AM

  4 points

  in reply to: sketerpot’s comment on: Miti­gat­ing So­cial Awkwardness

  Thanks!

  A way to learn body language is simply watching others in social situations, trying to imagine yourself in the same positions, and seeing what they do differently than you would have. The obverse is that you have to practice it yourself as well.

  Go to a crowded but impersonal place, like a mall. Watch people in general. Spend time looking at the distance between them, how their voices sound, and anything that stands out.

• CayenneMay 1, 2011, 1:40 AM

  6 points

  in reply to: ewang’s comment on: Miti­gat­ing So­cial Awkwardness

  This really doesn’t sound feasible. At a minimum you want to be able to not offend others in social situations.

• CayenneMay 1, 2011, 1:20 AM

  1 point

  in reply to: Alicorn’s comment on: Miti­gat­ing So­cial Awkwardness

  You can try to practice in front of a mirror. I don’t know how much that will help, but it may.

  Voice control is hard for some people. Singing with pop music, and just using your voice more in general perhaps will help.

  In either case, you’re running into some serious difficulties. I wish I could offer better advice or help.

• CayenneMay 1, 2011, 1:07 AM

  0 points

  in reply to: lukeprog’s comment on: Miti­gat­ing So­cial Awkwardness

  This is true. Learning to respect other people’s personal space is an important component of this.

Miti­gat­ing So­cial Awkwardness

• CayenneApr 30, 2011, 11:37 PM

  0 points

  in reply to: Liosis’s comment on: So You’ve Changed Your Mind

  Sometimes I am having a conversation and I say something like ‘we should stop dumping garbage.’

  It seems to me that this is a misstated desire, ‘I would like to see less garbage being dumped (by everyone)’.

  Edit—please disregard this post

• CayenneApr 30, 2011, 10:54 PM

  5 points

  in reply to: Swimmer963 (Miranda Dixon-Luinenburg) ’s comment on: Mun­dane Magic

  Alan Dean Foster has written at least one full-length novel trilogy in this genre.

  TVTropes has a trope ‘Humans Are Bastards’ which might overlap a bit.

  This is pretty difficult to search for.

  Edit—There’s a link to the ‘Humans Are Cthulhu’ trope that may be a better fit.

  Edit—please disregard this post

• CayenneApr 30, 2011, 3:15 PM

  1 point

  in reply to: childofbaud’s comment on: Learned Blankness

  That’s a valid question, really. I probably have several where I could get to expert level with enough practice.

  I do have a physical problem that isn’t really treatable with medicine right now. It makes it difficult to impossible for me to do some relatively common tasks, and practice hasn’t really helped me overcome it.

  Edit—please disregard this post

• CayenneApr 27, 2011, 7:23 PM

  0 points

  in reply to: Larks’s comment on: IA first steps (Berkeley, CA) (dead)

  Oh, I didn’t realize… but as I think about it, this is meant to augment our intelligence in some ways. It may still not be a misnomer, even if the effect is very weak.

  Edit—please disregard this post

• CayenneApr 27, 2011, 7:17 PM

  1 point

  in reply to: [deleted]’s comment on: IA first steps (Berkeley, CA) (dead)

  Oops, yes. Sorry about that… I’ll be using ‘IA’ for things focused on doing rather than talking. Active self and community improvement.

  Edit—please disregard this post

• CayenneApr 27, 2011, 7:14 PM

  1 point

  in reply to: curiousepic’s comment on: IA first steps (Berkeley, CA) (dead)

  That is actually the first thing we’ll be working on. My goal is to make this a series of daily activities that focus on doing, and helping ourselves and each other become good at and comfortable with a variety of situations. Daily exercise seems like a low-hanging fruit here. Two other activities I’ve been mulling over are a weekly potluck/​learn to cook day, and a monthly fashion sense building activity.

  The fashion sense building will involve everyone bringing a small amount of money to be spent on others only, and then trying on different styles. If you like the look of something someone is wearing, buy it for them. This will help people learn how others see them and how to manipulate their presentation.

  Potluck/​learn to cook day would be mostly for community-building, and trying interesting foods not likely to show up on menus. Learning how to fail gracefully at cooking is useful too.

  Daily exercise will probably end up having different focus depending on the day, with possibilities being anything from how styles of communication matter to strategy games, and probably a day or two a week devoted to more strenuous exercise or weightlifting. I want to focus on community more than individual effectiveness.

  Edit—please disregard this post

• CayenneApr 27, 2011, 3:07 AM

  0 points

  in reply to: Swimmer963 (Miranda Dixon-Luinenburg) ’s comment on: Map­ping our maps: types of knowledge

  No images here either, just broken frames.

  Looking at the source gives me an img src=”webkit-fake-url://​5212E7C3-2AB0-4C87-BA79-7CFA7AA54052/​image.tiff” alt=”″ image tag, which is pointing to nowhere. Have you uploaded the images somewhere? If so, you should be able to edit the links.

  Edit—please disregard this post

IA first steps (Berkeley, CA) (dead)