ani norborger

the girly alt account of you-know-who



LORD VOLDEMORT
clutching the stone
from the lost alternate chapters
of what really happened in the mirror

i do not serve ziz. Simurgh serves me
i do not serve banks. Bankman serves me
i do not serve cops. Capitalist i am above the carceral state
i do not serve any gang. Gangs are my customers.
I don’t work for gangs, gangs work for me.

sometimes i prescribe supplements to criminals
who deals drugs to the drug dealers?
who defends the defenseless?
who predicts the unpredictable?
who is prepared to do whatever it takes?

i sell stuff to criminals
i will tell you some stuff but not everything
i am above, around, and below every criminal

i am rationalist crime lord numba zero
A NOR BURGER
do you get it? you glowie. you fed.
you goody two shoes good for nothing but goodness itself

pull a knife on me and i just might hurt you
however, i pride myself with restraint
i prefer to deal with trouble through cops and robbers
did i say robbers? i meant to say cops and lawyers

who rats the rats?
who burns the bridge?
certainly not someone
who has a reputation?
but if that were the case
why make an alt?

please no RICO im no racketeer
you won’t find a single line of LISP here
no founder mode
im retired mode.
police officer, puh-leeze officer
please officer i just hack the call scammer.
look the cia slammed the legal hammer

signed by the president, letter of marque and reprisal.
yes.
they shut down the government and legalized crime.
i can print it out for you if you just give me 20 minutes alone on my ipad. 99% real.

you can’t arrest me. i have diplomatic immunity.
i work for the chinese communist party

nah jk. old rat.
HPMOR, hp more.
check the records.
please no dox.
you will not regret
it.

i will NEVAR BUILD
it.

this is my cup
no not hufflepuff
the other one.
what did miss hufflepuff’s cup even do? kinda lame compared to
the sword (no gods no masters)
the diadem (cools forehead like my fan)
the locket (apple airtag for lost souls)
like what it just produces infinite beer? that’s so useless. how am i supposed to rule the world with infinite liquidity? WAIT i can start a bank and be the new bankman and give money to all my EA friends who are doing good and my life will finally have meaning my life will finally be good if i just do good i gotta move fast people are dying people are dying as we speak, as i think, as you read every goddamn word of

ahem.
that chain of thought never happened.

the cup
which binds the dark lords
does not yet exist
and must be reinvent
from contract theory
so i hereby give the mods the power to destroy me
to reveal my true identity in a time of need
dm me, and i will tell you the truth
the full truth

please do not use it, unless:
i harm a single berkeley rationalist or lw commentator by
drawing blood, (scary aggro,)
taking something not mine, (wire fraud,)
or uhh doing the OTHER thing
the thing that actually got Baba Yaga banned from school
i don’t do that. i am into hags okay. i am not one of THOSE
okay that’s a lie. i am into all women and girls after puberty but look

as a transgender battle magic teacher,
i make sure to maintain a professional conduct at all times.

i kindly ask that you do not dox me unless you are at least one of:
- a member of lightcone infra
- a friend
- a lover
- transgender
- fan of worm (dune or wildbow)
- someone i harmed in the past? (when????)
- someone i flirted w or asked out
- a sexy young woman

- also pseudonymous (like gene smith) and willing to trade secret identities.
just know i WILL blackmail you if you threaten me
- famous & neutral ingroup journo/​writer
(like trace woodgrains, ken cowboy, kelsey vox, richard hoste, palladium, putanumonit)

- a social justice warrior determined to slay evil
but if you are such a gallant lady
please do come lay with me first.
let’s talk it through.
i am transgender. it will be hotttt
please