The logic of consumerism is to weigh all your choices and find out what you really enjoy. Isn’t the dominant value of mainstream culture unlimited choice, maximum freedom and flexibility, so that you can better enjoy? You bring up the Veblen-esque conspicuous consumption account of consumerism, but that’s just dodging the issue, since that’s not how I’m characterizing it. This is not mere guilt by association—we could take any one of hundreds of TV commercials and re-edit them so they advocate polyamory in the exact same way as this post. The only change would be the name of the product. Could we do the same for a Mormon justification for polyamory? Not quite so easily.
When the author speaks about his personal benefits of polyamory: “I am happier, more fulfilled, and a better romantic partner when I am polyamorous” Doesn’t this immediately evoke the Radiohead parody of stereotypical mainstream conformist consumption: “Fitter, happier, more productive, comfortable, not drinking too much, regular exercise at the gym...”
I notice how your counterargument is inconsistent with itself in trying to cover all possible bases—on one hand, you say that this argument for polyamory bears no resemblence to consumerism at all (on your mischaracterization of consumerism). But at the same time, you also say the exact opposite, it does conform to the logic of consumerism, but that’s not a bad thing! Perhaps you might want to examine why your own argument contradicts itself.
But ignoring that, let’s take your second point—what’s the problem with this logic of consumerism? You’re entitled to defend it if you like. But once you concede that, you undermine the implicit appeal of polyamory, which is that it’s something daring and subversive and nonconformist, which sounds very exciting! But this is plausible only if your idea of “the mainstream” and “the system” comes from bohemian and beat poet writings from 60 years ago. It’s quite astonishing that people who think of themselves as deep thinkers would make this kind of error, since we can safely assume that they are confronted with empirical evidence that they don’t live in the 1950s on a daily basis. Such is the appeal of self-congratulatory pseudo-rebellion.
No wonder that polyamorists can’t simply adopt their chosen lifestyle, it’s necessary to evangelize about it too. What’s the difference between traditional marriage and polyamory? It can’t be that polyamorists are able to form romantic and sexual relationships with more than one person, since traditional marriage has always tacitly tolerated this. The main difference is that polyamorists want to do this in the open, rather than in secret, which is to say that the difference is primarily that polyamorists want to be nonconformists. Therefore it’s not a stretch to say that the primary appeal of polyamory is a kind of erotic role-playing of nonconformity itself.
One further interesting fact about polyamory that always interests me is how it bills itself as a form of freedom compared to the constraints of monogamy. Naively you’d expect that polyamory entails simply sleeping with and forming romantic attachments with other people, but this is not the case! A quick glance at polyamory books and websites reveals that’s overrun with various rules and prohibitions about the proper way to do polyamory, not the least of which is “There is no one-size-fits-all set of rules.” A minor industry is devoted to publishing on a whole range of topics: the proper way to communicate in a relationship, how to deal with jealousy issues, what if you have children, what about STDs, how should you approach potential new partners, etc. etc. So we’re promised freedom, and we end up with an almost Kafka-esque nightmare of never-ending series of rules that we can never be sure we truly following correctly since every situation is different. In contrast, the traditional model of infidelity has historically had one very simple rule: be discreet. Aside from that, anything goes, including sexual acts that have been considered illegal: interracial sex, prostitution, homosexuality, etc.. To be absolutely clear, I’m not at all advocating this, I’m simply pointing out that the claim that polyamory is about freedom while monogamy is about constraints falls apart immediately on serious inspection. If anything, the opposite is true.
Of course, the most appropriate Žižekian point about this post is that ultimate super ego injunction is “Enjoy!” In other words, one of the main forms of conformity today is exactly this pose of throwing off the demands of mainstream society demonstrated in this post. This ideal is the main message of consumerism in advertising—choose for yourself, unlock your deepest desires, express your true identity! If you really want to enjoy yourself fully, you can’t just settle for the boring default option—whether in toilet paper, jeans, music or relationship style. You are supposed to consider all your options and find out what generates maximum enjoyment.
This is the main form of authoritarianism today, and the correct response to the demand here that we justify our choice of monogamy is “It’s none of your business!”