On average I think people suffer more from the opposite mistake. Refusing to go all in on something and commit, because they want to keep optionality open.
It could be drifting from one relationship to another, pushing off having children (but freezing eggs just in case), never buying a house and settling down in a community you like, never giving up everything to get that job you’ve always dreamed of, whatever it is that matters to you.
Life is often much richer and more fulfilling when you give up optionality for the sake of having your best shot on the things that are most important to you.
That said the extent these things remove your optionality is overstated. You can always get divorced, sell your house, move locations, find a new job, go back home, put your kid up for adoption, etc. Scrap that last one, having a child really does pretty permanently limit your optionality. But they go better when your mindset is one where making this work is your only option, there are no other alternatives.
For example marriage goes best when:
you go in with 100% intention of never getting divorced under any circumstances.
when the circumstances change such that divorce is your best course of action, you are able to recognise and switch mindset to one where you can weigh up the pros and cons carefully.
Doing so requires a kind of doublethink, but most people are capable of it fairly easily.
On average I think people suffer more from the opposite mistake. Refusing to go all in on something and commit, because they want to keep optionality open.
It could be drifting from one relationship to another, pushing off having children (but freezing eggs just in case), never buying a house and settling down in a community you like, never giving up everything to get that job you’ve always dreamed of, whatever it is that matters to you.
Life is often much richer and more fulfilling when you give up optionality for the sake of having your best shot on the things that are most important to you.
That said the extent these things remove your optionality is overstated. You can always get divorced, sell your house, move locations, find a new job, go back home, put your kid up for adoption, etc. Scrap that last one, having a child really does pretty permanently limit your optionality. But they go better when your mindset is one where making this work is your only option, there are no other alternatives.
For example marriage goes best when:
you go in with 100% intention of never getting divorced under any circumstances.
when the circumstances change such that divorce is your best course of action, you are able to recognise and switch mindset to one where you can weigh up the pros and cons carefully.
Doing so requires a kind of doublethink, but most people are capable of it fairly easily.