I’m really glad that this was written up. Around the time that Helen gave this talk I was having trouble with being reflexively big, in a way that was making some people feel like they couldn’t be comfortable around me. Helen’s talk and a conversation I had with one of these people helped me relax into being small sometimes.
There’s also a thing I’ve been learning how to do that relationalists (people who do circling, etc.) call “holding space [for someone].” It looks sort of like high-small, except it doesn’t involve looking away or using tentative language. You can do it without saying anything at all, and often it involves making and holding eye contact. I’m not sure I can explain how to do it via text. You sort of… radiate love and acceptance outward? It can be very powerful; people can just start crying immediately when someone does this for them. But I’m not sure to what extent it fits in this framework or needs a bigger framework.
Yeah, I love the concept of holding space. If I wanted to fit it into this framework, I’d say that holding space for person A is 1) making yourself small, then 2) making clear that the space you’ve left belongs to person A. Like, you’re not just withdrawing into yourself, or leaving more space for anyone in the group to talk. I think 2) is a separate skill from what’s discussed in this post, though.
So I guess tl;dr I think being small is necessary-but-not-sufficient to hold space. Thoughts?
I’m really glad that this was written up. Around the time that Helen gave this talk I was having trouble with being reflexively big, in a way that was making some people feel like they couldn’t be comfortable around me. Helen’s talk and a conversation I had with one of these people helped me relax into being small sometimes.
There’s also a thing I’ve been learning how to do that relationalists (people who do circling, etc.) call “holding space [for someone].” It looks sort of like high-small, except it doesn’t involve looking away or using tentative language. You can do it without saying anything at all, and often it involves making and holding eye contact. I’m not sure I can explain how to do it via text. You sort of… radiate love and acceptance outward? It can be very powerful; people can just start crying immediately when someone does this for them. But I’m not sure to what extent it fits in this framework or needs a bigger framework.
Yeah, I love the concept of holding space. If I wanted to fit it into this framework, I’d say that holding space for person A is 1) making yourself small, then 2) making clear that the space you’ve left belongs to person A. Like, you’re not just withdrawing into yourself, or leaving more space for anyone in the group to talk. I think 2) is a separate skill from what’s discussed in this post, though.
So I guess tl;dr I think being small is necessary-but-not-sufficient to hold space. Thoughts?