This is cute, but I think it would have been worth trying to salvage the rhyme scheme. (Maybe ”… all the missed frills”/”pills” and “And the Science helps most”/”post”?) You also missed a huge opportunity by not starting a line earlier with the words “Amateur science” (sound-alike with Aperture).
Amateur was a major omission, yeah. I don’t think ‘helps most/post’ really works because it diverges too much. ‘Done’ is hard to rhyme with, but checking a rhyming dictionary, I realized there was a perfect rhyme: ‘fun’. As in, ‘And the Science was fun / and you make a neat post’. The rhythms scan, the rhyme is perfect, and it makes sense by reinforcing ‘neat’.
This is cute, but I think it would have been worth trying to salvage the rhyme scheme. (Maybe ”… all the missed frills”/”pills” and “And the Science helps most”/”post”?) You also missed a huge opportunity by not starting a line earlier with the words “Amateur science” (sound-alike with Aperture).
Amateur was a major omission, yeah. I don’t think ‘helps most/post’ really works because it diverges too much. ‘Done’ is hard to rhyme with, but checking a rhyming dictionary, I realized there was a perfect rhyme: ‘fun’. As in, ‘And the Science was fun / and you make a neat post’. The rhythms scan, the rhyme is perfect, and it makes sense by reinforcing ‘neat’.