It seems worth saying out loud that VB was not making the argument you aren’t impressed by, he was referring to it, as are you. Not that you said he was making it, but it’s a volatile enough subject that it’s easy for people to infer conflicts.
With respect to actual content: it’s often useful to make commitments to behave in certain ways.
People do this with respect to fitness goals, employment, cleaning their houses, finishing personal projects… all kinds of things. Sometimes it’s even useful for me to formalize those commitments and agree to suffer penalties if I violate them. This not only signals my commitment to others in ways that are costly to fake, but it creates different incentive structures for myself.
For example, if I want to do twenty pushups three times a week but I don’t seem able to motivate myself to actually do them, I might agree with a friend that once a week they will ask me if I’ve done twenty pushups three times that week, and if I haven’t I will give them $20. That might give me more motivation to do those pushups. (Or it might not… it depends on me, and how much I value $20, and how much I negatively value lying to my friend, and all kinds of other stuff.)
Marriage seems like precisely this sort of formal precommitment to me, and seems potentially valuable on that basis.
I disagree that being the sort of person whose behavior is changed due to such a formal precommitment means I’m too irresponsible to have children. Indeed, knowing what techniques serve to motivate me and being willing to use those techniques to achieve my desired goals seems pretty responsible to me.
I disagree still more with the connotative implications of words like “shackles,” “incapable of having a stable relationship,” or “their own volition”
But I”m only making these negative connotations because it feels to me that my equality and the legality of my hypothetical union with a man are at stake here. Consequently I’m not inlcined to think highly of anyone who gets in the way ;)
Sure, I understand your reasons for it. Speaking as a married man who is currently livid over the fact that filling out my taxes in the U.S. requires telling the federal government I’m single because it refuses to acknowledge that I’m married, I have reasons of my own. We are of course free to think whatever we wish of anyone we wish, but what conclusions we’re justified in coming to is a whole different matter.
It seems worth saying out loud that VB was not making the argument you aren’t impressed by, he was referring to it, as are you. Not that you said he was making it, but it’s a volatile enough subject that it’s easy for people to infer conflicts.
With respect to actual content: it’s often useful to make commitments to behave in certain ways.
People do this with respect to fitness goals, employment, cleaning their houses, finishing personal projects… all kinds of things. Sometimes it’s even useful for me to formalize those commitments and agree to suffer penalties if I violate them. This not only signals my commitment to others in ways that are costly to fake, but it creates different incentive structures for myself.
For example, if I want to do twenty pushups three times a week but I don’t seem able to motivate myself to actually do them, I might agree with a friend that once a week they will ask me if I’ve done twenty pushups three times that week, and if I haven’t I will give them $20. That might give me more motivation to do those pushups. (Or it might not… it depends on me, and how much I value $20, and how much I negatively value lying to my friend, and all kinds of other stuff.)
Marriage seems like precisely this sort of formal precommitment to me, and seems potentially valuable on that basis.
I disagree that being the sort of person whose behavior is changed due to such a formal precommitment means I’m too irresponsible to have children. Indeed, knowing what techniques serve to motivate me and being willing to use those techniques to achieve my desired goals seems pretty responsible to me.
I disagree still more with the connotative implications of words like “shackles,” “incapable of having a stable relationship,” or “their own volition”
But I”m only making these negative connotations because it feels to me that my equality and the legality of my hypothetical union with a man are at stake here. Consequently I’m not inlcined to think highly of anyone who gets in the way ;)
Sure, I understand your reasons for it. Speaking as a married man who is currently livid over the fact that filling out my taxes in the U.S. requires telling the federal government I’m single because it refuses to acknowledge that I’m married, I have reasons of my own. We are of course free to think whatever we wish of anyone we wish, but what conclusions we’re justified in coming to is a whole different matter.